Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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A Perfect Defense

Category: Adult Theme, Shaggy Dogs

This is nearly the perfect tale for one of my favorite holidays. Mel Lett sent it to me.


Defense Attorney: What is your age?

Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: On the first day of April last year, will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?

Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?

Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Woman: No, I didn’t stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Woman: Why, because his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him, “Take me, young man, Take me!”

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That’s when he yelled, “April Fool!” And THAT’S when I shot the bastard!”

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