From Mitch Friedman.
All posts for the month February, 2012
Shoes for That Special Evening on an Italian Cruise
Posted by Brian P. Combs on February 29, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shoes-for-that-special-evening-on-an-italian-cruise/
One O’Clock Shaggy
Dave Wallace reworked on oldie but goodie. “Just for fun,” as he said.
Here is a little-known fact:
One of the most famous musicians of the Big Band era had three spinster sisters, who were avid baseball fans. As the Count toured across country, he would treat the three sisters to tickets for what ever game was in town. This could have been because he genuinely loved his sisters, or it might have been related to the fact that they … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on February 27, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/one-oclock-shaggy/
The Top 31 Things You Will Never Hear a Southern Boy Say
32. Can you say “Stereotype”?
Another from Lowrie B.
31. When I retire, I’m movin’ north.
30. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only sixteen.
29. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
28. Duct tape won’t fix that.
27. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken
26. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
25. You can’t feed that to the dog.
24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
23. Wrestling is fake.… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 25, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-top-31-things-you-will-never-hear-a-southern-boy-say/
A Man of Few Words
Posted on the Puns@yahoogroups.com.
Once upon a time there was a prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the prince could speak only one word each year.
However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, the following year he was allowed to speak two words.
One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 24, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-man-of-few-words/
Suicidal Blonde
Oh, golly! Bill Pardue sent me a potfull of jokes of this genus. Thanks, Bill.
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
‘How did this happen?’ the emergency room doctor asked her.
‘Well, I was trying to commit suicide,’ the blonde replied.
‘What?’ sputtered the doctor. ‘You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?’
‘No, silly’ the blonde said. ‘First I put the gun to my … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 20, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/suicidal-blonde/
Helping Men Survive Valentine’s Day
More helpful advice from Stan Kegel.
Men often have a difficult time figuring out what to do on Valentine’s Day — and if they expect to get any …uh, make the women in their lives happy, they need to know the basics. Here it is, guys, hours before you need it — that’s plenty of time.
Step One: Remember. The minimum requirement is to let the woman know you care. The least expensive way is to look at her — … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 13, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/helping-men-survive-valentines-day/
If You Carrot All For Me
This nutritious Valentine comes from Stan Kegel.
IF YOU CARROT ALL FOR ME
Cabbage always has a heart;
Green beans string along.
You’re such a Tomato,
Will you Peas to me belong?
You’ve been the Apple of my eye,
You know how much I care;
So Lettuce get together,
We’d make a perfect Pear.
Now, something’s sure to Turnip,
To prove you can’t be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me
Let’s let our Tulips meet.
… Read the rest...Don’t Squash my
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 12, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/if-you-carrot-all-for-me/
Secrets of Italian Bread
From the excellent Lowrie.
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend’s vigor and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, “Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 8, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/secrets-of-italian-bread/
Ya Gotta Trust Your Husband!
Words of advice and wisdom from Bro Tom Vickery.
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband. For example…
A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 8, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/ya-gotta-trust-your-husband/
Pippa’s Shaggy Posterior
Submitted by Dave Wallace.
When Kate became a Princess (and a Duchess, too!) much of the world latched onto her younger sister’s amazing bridesmaid behind. Sites such as “Pippa’s Amazing Arse” were founded, twitters were tweet and the mainstream media fell all over themselves with pictures and dreadful, awful buttocks puns. It reminded me of the classically sad movie “Slang The Bum, Drolly”.… Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on February 2, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/pippas-shaggy-posterior/