This was submitted by Dave Wallace.
By mid-morning, Goldilocks was exhausted. After the adrenaline rush subsided, and she had made the beds and cleaned up after the bears, and made and eaten a new bowl of porridge for herself, she really need a cuppa. Earl Grey. But not any Earl Grey. The very pinnacle of Earl grey teas – Alley brand – the Choice of Emperors. She put one and a half cups of water in the kettle and set … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-three-shaggy-bears/
This is by Dr. Jake Katz.
Tell me, O twins from the land of Odysseus and Onassis, of Agnew and Apollo, O inheritors of the roles of Castor and Polydeuces: have you heard the story of how, through trickery, the Achaeans were able to pass through the impregnable walls of Ilium and bring low the Trojan defenders? Listen, then; and may I push your heads just a bit closer to the water’s surface, slightly below perhaps? No?
Well, in any … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-trojan-horse/
This was posted at the pun page at yahoogrooups.com. If anyone has useful additions, let me know and I will post them.
404: Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message, “404 Not Found,” which means the document requested couldn’t be located. “Don’t bother asking John. He’s 404.”
Adminisphere: The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant.
Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/new-office-slang/
I have a large stash of these from the beloved Mel Lett. I will publish them slowly over time.
A week after their marriage, the redneck went to the doctor’s office.
“You ain’t gonna believe this, Doc,” said the husband. “My whacker’s turnin’ blue.”
“That’s pretty unusual,” said the doctor. “Let me examine you.”
The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the redneck’s really is blue.
The doctor turns to the wife, “Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/redneck-newlyweds/
This is from Brother Tom Vickery. It has an ancient flavor to it, but it was missing from the collection.
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven. I asked them, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?”
“NO!” the children answered.
“If I cleaned the church … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/how-to-get-to-heaven-from-ireland/
Found on a web forum. Probably as old as the internet.
A man walks into a bar, notices there’s no women in there, figures it’s a gay bar but he wants a beer too much to care. So he goes up to the bartender and asks for a beer.
The bartender says “What’s the name of your penis?”
The man replies “I haven’t given my penis a name.”
The bartender says “Better give it one if you want a beer” … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/barly-shaggy/
From Kirk Miller and posted to shaggydog@yahoogroups.com.
MEMO TO CUSTOMER SERVICE
This proves two things: 1) you’re not the only one who gets crappy service from your ISP, and 2) the Brits get better educations than most Americans, enabling them to write damned fine letters of complaint.
(NTL is a cable operator in Britain.)
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/memo-to-customer-service/
A pun-cascade from several of the usual suspects at P.U.N.Y.
Amazon.com currently is advertising their new students’ dictionary
full of erroneous information: Flunk and Wagnalls.
Alan
There’s a new word compendium aimed directly at the homeless
community. It’s called the “Under-a-bridge Dictionary.”
Gary
I’ve always enjoyed thumbing through specialized dictionaries, but it bugs
me that I can’t find one on entomology.
What famous dictionary publishing house is patronized by NBA players?
Longman
Charles
A woman who wants to avoid a … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/new-dictionary/