All posts for the month February, 2011

Politically Correct NFL Teams

From the groaners listserv. Assuming there is a season next year, the following is likely to happen.

The National Football League recently announced a new era. From now on, no offensive team names will be permitted. While the owners of the teams rush to change uniforms and such, the National Football League announced yesterday its name changes for the upcoming season, as well as the first week’s schedule that includes:

The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very … Read the rest...

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by on February 27, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Lists, Puns, Rated G
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 27, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/politically-correct-nfl-teams/

Lip Service

*From Stan Kegel and Richard Lederer’s recent book.

A young woman, extraordinarily attractive in personality, character, and presentation, was suffering from an illness that made her lips cracked and sore. The slightest movement of her mouth caused pain and embarrassment. Her condition, though not cured, was somewhat relieved by the application of a medication prescribed by her physician.

The instructions on the prescription were to apply the medication once a day, but the young woman found that more frequent applications … Read the rest...

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by on February 27, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Rated G
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 27, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/lip-service/

East Texas Etiquette

From Shayne Gad.

GENERAL:
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still
Rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT:
1. When decanting wine, make … Read the rest...

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by on February 24, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Lists, Politically Incorrect, Rated G
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 24, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/east-texas-etiquette/

An Amish Woman

This was published on the yahoogroups.com punsite by Anna Welander.

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer
stopped her. “I’m not going to cite you,” said the officer. “I just wanted to warn you
that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be
dangerous.”

“I thank thee,” replied the Amish lady. “I shall have my husband repair it
as soon as I return home.”

“Also,” said the … Read the rest...

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by on February 23, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Rated PG, Shaggy Puppy
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 23, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/an-amish-woman/

The Referee’s Cell Phone

This was posted on bwjokes.

After a basketball game, the coach found a cell phone on the gym floor. He picked it up and handed it to one of the referees, saying, “Here’s your phone.”

“What makes you think it’s mine?” the referee asked.

“Easy,” the coach replied. “It says you missed 13 calls.”… Read the rest...

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by on February 22, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Puns, Rated G
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 22, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-referees-cell-phone/

The Show Must Go On

This is by Terry Morrison.

Even though class was well underway, not a sound could be heard coming from the fifth floor classroom.

Inside, seven students practised their craft with uncanny precision, lifting huge panes of glass, bumping into unseen obstacles and walking, or more correctly, being walked by invisible dogs on just as invisible leashes.

Being a mime required countless hours of energy-sapping dedication as each tiny movement was repeated over and over to create the desired effect. They … Read the rest...

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by on February 21, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Puns, Rated G, Shaggy Puppy
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 21, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-show-must-go-on/

On Becoming a Teacher

There are many that will understand exactly what this tale from the groaners listserv is about.

Once there was a man named Nathan. He wanted very much to be a teacher. So he went to seek the advice of the wisest, most highly respected counselor in the land.

“Wise counselor,” Nathan began, “it has always been my dream to be a teacher. I want to stimulate the minds of the young people of our land. I want to lead them … Read the rest...

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by on February 21, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Rated G, Shaggy Puppy
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 21, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/on-becoming-a-teacher/

ChapStick

This tale of sudden awakenings comes from Bill Pardue.

We had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died. Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on the mat in our bathroom. We have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old and … Read the rest...

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by on February 20, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Rated PG, Shaggy Puppy
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 20, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/chapstick/

Computer Gender

Another salvo in the war between the sexes, this punishment was posted on the groaners listserv.

TOP 5 REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE

5. They’re heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.

4. They periodically cut you off right when you think you’ve established a network connection.

3. They’ll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won’t do more than they have to and they won’t think of it on their own.

2. They’re typically obsolete … Read the rest...

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by on February 20, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Lists, Puns, Rated G
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 20, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/computer-gender/

Roping a Deer

Cousin Jo Ann brought this to our attention. Snopes.com says that many of the details about deer behavior appear authentic, but the tale is of undetermined origin. When I was at Davis (CA), the foot behavior was described to me.

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a … Read the rest...

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by on February 17, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Rated G, Shaggy Dogs
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 17, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/roping-a-deer/

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