From cousin Roger who appears to be on a roll.
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, but…..something happened. I’m trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-tragic-accident/
This comes from former student and old friend, Tom Greenberg.
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5 lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/exercise-regimen/
A cascade from the limericks_n_haiku listserv with certain of the usual
suspects participating.
The Aardvark eats no leafy plants
No mushrooms and no succulents
Under bark his tongue
Gets vitamins among
A diet full of new tree ants
Guy Ben-Moshe
================
That’s aardvark but maybe you knew it
Eating ants, Oh dear me! I’d eschew it
I’d taste other critters
Who scampers and skitters
Termite be some reason to do it
GARY HALLOCK
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The Aardvark loves his insect snack… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-aardvark/
By Alan B. Combs
The other day, the CDC released statistics claiming that 96% of Americans have had sex by the time they are 20 years old. See, I am highly skeptical of this magic number, and this morning, local radio personality Bob Cole pointed out the critical flaw.
Considerably more than 4% of folks are too ugly or too socially inept to have scored by the time they are 20.
As Garfield says, “….”… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/sex-by-age-of-20/
A short and sweet tale from Tom Vickery.
A Southern boy is driving down a back road in TN.
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
LOBSTER TAIL AND BEER
“Lord almighty” he says to himself, “my three favorite things”… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/southern-boy/
This is from Tom Vickery.
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
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In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”
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On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
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At a Proctologist’s door:
“To expedite your visit please back in.”
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On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”
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On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..”
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On a Church’s Billboard:
“7 days without God makes … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/signs-of-the-time/
This is from Linda Therio. Having just returned from my 50th high schood graduation reunion, it seems quite appropriate, somehow.
I recently attended a college fraternity reunion. The organizer and master of ceremonies had a great line.
He said, “Some of you have said that I have gained a lot of weight since my college days. I want you all to know that 70% of me still weighs the same as I did in college.”… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-reunion/
Herein we report a recent pun cascade on P.U.N.Y.
Right now the U.S. Volleyball team is playing on TV. It is a pleasure to watch these daughters and sons of the beach.
Alan C
Opening this note was a net loss to me; a real dis-service.
Lowrie Beacham
Son of a beech…is that something like an acorn?
Cyn Mac
Watching women’s beach volleyball is a real thrill. No if’s sands or butts!
Gary Hallock
Rumor has it that next year, … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/volleyball-on-the-sands/
Not that I agree with this offering from the groaners listserv…. And why is it I seem to find so many rude puns these days?
A medical student was in the morgue one day after classes, getting a little practice in before the final exams. He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpse’s rectum.
Figuring this was … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-medical-student/
From cousin Roger. So evil. I love it.
I was depressed last night so I called a local Lifeline. Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/depressed/