All posts for the month May, 2009

A Particular Tarragon

By Alan B. Combs

Tarragon is an herb used in traditional French cookery. It is used to good advantage in various sauces and herb vinegars. Pierre was a master French chef and his use of elegant spices was extraordinary. His fame spread throughout the countryside and all was well until one fateful year.

Suddenly the results of Pierre’s cooking turned terrible. His vinegars were vile, his flavors were a flop, and his Bearnaises were bad. After some investigation, he discovered … Read the rest...

Are We Awake, Yet?

From Bob Dvorak

The phone on Charlie’s desk rang. “Lansdale,” he said as he picked up the handset.

“Sorry, boss. I’ve got a Mike McMahon on the phone who says he’s calling you from your Legion chapter and that it’s important.”

A few clicks later, Mike was chattering in Charlie’s ear. “Sorry to bother you, Charlie. I don’t know if you heard. Vic passed on last night. Heart problems. I know a lot of us, including you, probably can’t make … Read the rest...

A Look Back Into High School

Cousin Jo Ann sent this. She’s gotten the date wrong, however.

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can’t look that old. Well. you’ll love this one.

My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had … Read the rest...

A few Deep Thoughts about Life

Sent by Tom Vickery.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, “Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.”
— Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: “No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. … Read the rest...

A Cheese Whiz of a Tale

A mid-week effort by Bob Dvorak.

The Bittiwoods Dairy was set on its head recently when one of the giant food conglomerates made an offer for its cheese business. It had been promised that the Bittiwoods name would remain on the cheese and that changes in the dairy operation would be minimal.

The dairy owner had not yet made a decision, but that didn’t stop the workers from weighing in on the matter. Half of them viewed the deal as … Read the rest...

At the Entrance to Hades

By Bob Dvorak.

People will tell me to “Go to Hell!” — but it’s actually not a bad idea. I visit occasionally. They have a watchdog at the entrance — kind of an ugly thing with three heads and all, but as long as you don’t try to enter uninvited, he’s actually a pretty reasonable character.

Last month I went for a visit. “Hi, Cerberus!” I called. “How’s it going?”

“Not bad,” he replied. (Being a mythological creature, of course … Read the rest...

A Mother’s Dictionary

This is from the groaners listserv.

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result … Read the rest...

Don’t Surfer Fools

A limerick by punmaster Gary Hallock

A surfer dude in Frisco bay
Can’t mix his epoxy. He’ll say
“These instructions you see
Say to mix with ‘part-B’
But where can I find the ‘Part-A?'”… Read the rest...

The Five Fundamental Forces

My son Brian sent me this short treatise on the Five Fundamental Forces in the Universe. Hmmm. OK, Einsteins, I wonder who’s playing this week.

1.   Strong Force:
description: the force that holds the nucleus of atoms together
relative strength: 1
range: 10^-15 meters

2.   Electromagnetic Force:
description: attraction/repulsion of charges
relative strength: 1/137
range: infinite

3.   Weak Force:
description: neutrino interaction… induces beta decay in atoms
relative strength: 10^-5
range: 10^-17 meters

4.   Gravity:
description: the attraction between two … Read the rest...

Memory Aids

An 80 year-old couple was having problems remembering things. So they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. Their doctor explained that they were physically OK, but that they might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the husband got up from his chair and his wife asks, “Where … Read the rest...