All posts for the month May, 2007

Julia Child Tale

Me? I make ’em up. To Jim Ryan they always happen. And he has a good memory.

Quite some time back, it was in the sixties, I was watching one of Julia Child’s cooking shows on television. One of the items to be made that day was Swedish dill bread. At the appropriate point in the program Julia placed her hands into the large bowl and uttered in that voice Julia was famous for….

….”and for our next step we … Read the rest...

A Tall Ship Tale #51: Roast Beast

By Paul de Anguera

“Before we begin this demonstration, I would like to thank Doctor Talligeist for suggesting a most promising modification to the chronometer,” Professor Cornelius Peabody told the bemused officers. The First Mate glanced at Emma, then looked curiously at the large clock which occupied the professor’s workshop in a corner of the hold. It made peculiar noises, and he was glad it was not on his bedside table.

“You’ll recall that the precise timekeeping which is a … Read the rest...

Know When to Fold ‘Em

By Bob Dvorak

One of the famed art museums in New York recently opened a month-long exhibit of Origami works from several of the great Japanese masters.

To help finance the exhibition, it’s been located in a separate area, with an admission fee. Even season passes to the museum proper won’t get you in to this exhibit.

Taking their cue from Cable TV, it’s clearly Paper View.… Read the rest...

My Daughter’s 18th Birthday

From Mel Lett.

I’m so glad that this is my last damn child support payment. Month after month, year after year, those damn payments!

So, I called my baby girl to come over to my house, and when she got there, I said to her, “Baby Girl, I want you to take this last check over to your mother’s house and tell her that this is the last damn check she’s ever going to get from me, and I want … Read the rest...

Alligator Shoes

This comes from cousin Roger. Though he doesn’t say it, I suspect there’s a certain ethnicity of hair color involved. Other folks have said that they remember the story as a Cajun joke.

Jo wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes but was reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle on prices” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, being the determined gal we all know, … Read the rest...

A Tall Ship Tale #50: Clock Kent

Yes, more from Paul de Anguera.

A tolerant smile crossed Professor Cornelius Peabody’s snoutlike face upon hearing the First Mate’s “whorologist” story. “A real horologist measures time, and has nothing to do with whores — at least, not professionally,” he remonstrated. And now the sailors understood the reason for the many whole and partial clocks which cluttered the back room of Sigmund Fraude’s china shop.

“Here is my life’s work,” he told them, indicating a very large and peculiar clock. … Read the rest...

Another one for the Liszt

By PunOff award winner Chris Caillouet. Let’s encourage the lad.

Not many people are aware of it, but Franz Liszt actually had a younger brother named Gary. He was quite the rebel and, unlike his older brother, who was an undisputed virtuoso of the piano, Gary Liszt chose to express himself in a style of music that approximates today’s hip-hop. Unfortunately, the mainstream culture of the day had no appreciation for the genre, so while still a teenager, Gary moved … Read the rest...

A Spring and Autumn Wedding

I heard this tale from an entertainer in the resort town of Branson, MO.

A 70-year old, wealthy bachelor suddenly married a vivacious, spectacular, 21-year old woman. It was the talk of the town.

Some of his more curious friends took him aside and asked how he was able to convince such a wonderful young lady to marry him.

He said, “Well, you see, I lied to her about my age.”

“What? Did you tell her you were 35?”

“Oh, … Read the rest...


By Punmaster Gary Hallock

We regret to announce the passing of Cuppa Joseph Coffee, known to his friends simply as “Cuppa Joe.”

Although many of his detractors considered him a drip, he was a regular early morning fixture in diners all over the city. The latte Mr. Coffee was known for his perky attitude, nervous twitch and was always ready shake your hands.

In recent years he became brewed-y as he grew weary of the daily grind. He had bean … Read the rest...

A Samuel L. Jackson Movie

By Brian Combs. He is coming up with more of these things. I guess the chip doesn’t fall far from the longhorn (or some such appropriately perverted cliche).

You’ve probably heard about the new Samuel L. Jackson scary airplane movie. You know, the one that’s been getting all the hype on the internet and on TV.

Well, it really is a low budget feature. In fact, the vast majority of the actors were working for scale.… Read the rest...