All posts for the month May, 2005

Doughboy’s Camping Trip

By Gary Hallock

Despite his public image as a hardworking promoter of baked goods, the popular Pillsbury spokesman, Mr. Fresh, does occasionally enjoy activities outside of the kitchen. Recently he went on a camping trip with a few of his corporate mascot pals.

Present were Ronald McDonald, Uncle Ben, the Hamburger Helping Hand, Snap, Crackle and their Pop, The group enjoyed a pleasant weekend of fishing and hiking. In the evenings they gathered around the campfire and swapped amusing anecdotes … Read the rest...

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by on May 31, 2005  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 31, 2005

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/doughboys-camping-trip/

Portrait in the Closet

This is inspired by another Dr. Fun cartoon. Dave Farley is a wonderful source of scientific, frequently rude, and always funny daily cartoons.

Consider a balloon character, one that never, ever ages, no matter how the years go by. The reason for this is that the balloon has a portrait in his closet. It is this portrait that ages, showing the vicissitudes of time and the inevitable deflation of the balloon — The Puncture of Dorian Grey.

Bob Dvorak Comments:… Read the rest...

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by on May 31, 2005  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 31, 2005

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/portrait-in-the-closet/

Post no Hannibals

By Gary Hallock

It is often presumed that the Carthaginian military strategist, Hannibal invaded Italy by crossing the alps on pachyderms because he wished to have a tactical advantage over his enemy. The simple truth was that he had so much equipment and ammunition to haul there would be no other way for him to accomplish the journey. Hannibal knew that in order to be certain of a victory, it was important that he maintain the elephant of supplies.… Read the rest...

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by on May 31, 2005  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 31, 2005

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/post-no-hannibals/

Possessed

The author is not known. Let the story be a warning, however.

A distraught man went to a psychiatrist and exclaimed, “Doctor, I believe that I am possessed by an evil spirit.”

After talking to the patient at some length, the psychiatrist said, “You do appear to have a problem. I’d like to see you again next Wednesday.”

After a second session of psychotherapy, the psychiatrist pronounced his patient completely cured.

For the next nine months, the psychiatrist sent the … Read the rest...

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by on May 31, 2005  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 31, 2005

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/possessed/

Mushrooms

This is from Gilbert Krebs on the groaners listserv. I think it is one of the better variants on this theme.

When their mine became defunct, partners Smith and Jones decided to grow mushrooms in its cool, dark tunnels. Business prospered but Smith wanted all the profits, so he decided to kill Jones by planting some poisonous varieties in his partner’s section.

When. Jones found out, he had Smith arrested. Although the charge of attempted murder was dismissed for lack … Read the rest...

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by on May 31, 2005  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 31, 2005

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/mushrooms/

Hispanic Folk-Monsters

The original tale is by Alan B. Combs. It led to a pun cascade on PUNY.

Folk-monsters are a part of the underculture in many countries. Fear of bogeymen, vampires, werewolves, dervishes, zombies, and other such unfriendly life forms (speaking loosely) is part of being human. I have recently become familiar with a fairly well-described Hispanic entity. This fearsome creature is a modern affliction, combining the very worst aspects of military helicopters with a peculiar abuse of goats. Found mostly … Read the rest...

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by on May 31, 2005  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 31, 2005

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/hispanic-folk-monsters/

Animal Transplants

This is by Phil Hudson.

A friend of mine worked for a vet as a courier, delivering animal parts to other practices. Anyhow, he had an emergency case with a seabird who had too much alcohol to drink and needed a new organ. Across the country he rushed with the organ, and he had many adventures on the way.

These adventures were written as a story when my friend retired — entitled “Gull Liver’s travels.”… Read the rest...

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by on May 31, 2005  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 31, 2005

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/animal-transplants/

Lord of the Wringer Limerick

From the endlessly creative Bob Dvorak.

At ShopRite the tongues were a-waggin,
Thought Bill’ Boy was in the back, shaggin’.
But all the girls loose,
Were still in Pro-Duce,
At Checkout they found Bill’ Bo’ baggin’.… Read the rest...

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by on May 31, 2005  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 31, 2005

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/lord-of-the-wringer-limerick/

Another South Jersey Story

This is by Jim Ryan who has more punish adventures than most folks I know. He says, “I can’t remember if I mentioned this one to you, and, yes, it is true!”

I was sitting in a booth at a diner in Mullica Hill, New Jersey enjoying my favorite, blackened salmon. A fellow was sitting in the booth across the aisle from me. The waitress was bringing him his order, holding the tray up over her shoulder, when she tripped. … Read the rest...

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by on May 31, 2005  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 31, 2005

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/another-south-jersey-story/

China Redux

This was a recent cascade on PUNY.

My former graduate student says that each time she visits Beijing or Shanghai, it always seems that she’s been there before. I think it’s a clear case of Asia vu.

Alan B. Combs

In his declining years our recently deceased Republican president daily attempted to regain bits of his memory by watching videotapes of his trip to China. Yogi Berra noted that it seemed like Asia vu all over Reagan.

GARY HALLOCK

I’ve … Read the rest...

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by on May 31, 2005  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 31, 2005

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/china-redux/

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