All posts for the month May, 2005

The Monk

This tale is by Terry Morrison, author of “Mattress-ide and Other Grammatical Atrocities”.

“I have to get out of here,” screamed Father Klaus from the confines of his tiny cell. “Please! Please! I can’t stand it in here. I can’t breathe. Please, won’t somebody help me before the walls close in?” His pleading trailed off into the stale air of the monastery’s damp stone halls.

Outside the bolted door, Fathers Pietro and Alberto shook their heads in pity. Father Klaus’s … Read the rest...

Railroad History, Perhaps

This unusual bit of history* comes from Mel Lett. I have not thoroughly researched its authenticity, but it certainly fits my image of the way the world is.

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used?

Because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?

Because the first rail

Read the rest...

The Skunk

This rude little tale of the War Between the Sexes comes from Tom Vickery.

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night When the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it … Read the rest...

The Pelvis Impersonator

At the 26th Annual O.Henry Pun-Off World Championships in Austin May 3rd, Henry Lynn weaved this story filled with body parts.

I METACARPAL of friends last night. We went downtown to see the new PELVIS impersonator.

I could tell it was a HIP JOINT because it COCCYX BONES for a beer.

When the lights came down, we saw a big guy in a cape LUMBAR on stage with his BACK up band. He started the show with a dedication to … Read the rest...

I was hoping…

By Lowrie Beacham.

This morning, Lowrie Beacham writes that “I was hoping (Hurricane) Ivan would force Amtrak to shut down, so the headlines could read: IVAN WORKING ON THE RAILROAD.”… Read the rest...

Soup Time

By Bob Dvorak

“A nice party,” Sue thought as she surveyed the eight guests seated around her dining-room table. The remaining six shared the extra table immediately behind it in the living room.

Busy conversation and the clinking of spoons as they dove into the soup. The conversation dwindled to words between sips, and began to revolve mostly around the menu. Anne Baker was the first to ask. “Fantastic soup! What is it?”

Time to confess. “It’s an old Tennessee … Read the rest...

Puns in the Comics, Feb 05

From a cartoon by John McPherson.

Today’s “Close to Home” comic by John McPherson featured a fellow showing off his new car. It was a stretch limo that went on forever and forever. The make, of course, was Japan’s Infiniti.

I told my toxicology class about it this morning, and no one knew what I was talking about. That happens more times than not.… Read the rest...


Mel Lett sent us this story.

There were two young lovers who were really into spiritualism and “reincarnation.” They vowed that if either of them died, the one remaining would try to contact the partner in the world beyond exactly 30 days after their death.

Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later.

At the seance, she … Read the rest...

The Shaggy Pirate

This version of this wicked old gem was sent by Mel Lett. Kinda makes me wanna go, “Arrggghhh!”

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”

“What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”

“What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

“Well, we were in a fierce battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”… Read the rest...


This rude little tale came from Tom Vickery. The author is not known.

A New York family wants to put Grandpa in a nursing home, but all the city’s facilities are full. So, they decide to put him in a highly touted home in Mississippi. After a few days, they call him.

“How do you like it so far?” the grandson asks.

“It’s wonderful, he says. Let me tell you about the friendly residents here.

“There’s a musician who hasn’t … Read the rest...