All posts for the month December, 2003

A Hamptons Party

By Robert Dvorak.

At a party in the Hamptons one weekend, given by the producer of a large Network News show, one of the most famous on-camera personalities got something wedged in her “camera teeth”. Being properly demure, she found her way to an upstairs bathroom, removed them, and cleaned the offending “bit”. Unfortunately, in re-inserting them, she slipped on the tile floor and the teeth went out the window, clattered down the slate roof from the dormer, and lodged … Read the rest...

The Blessing

This is from Gilbert Krebs .

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He finished with the Latin phrase, “Tuti Hominous” – Blessed be mankind.

A women’s rights group approached the Pope the next day. They commented that the Pope blessed all mankind, but not womankind. So the next day, after his sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, “Tuti Hominous et tuti Feminous” – Blessed be mankind and womankind.

The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said that … Read the rest...

More About Animal Rights

A charming little continuation by John Barnstead as posted in alt.callahans.

“Reading Larry Niven’s “Ringworld Engineers” has prompted my curiosity in the area of inter-species sexual interactions,” Pernicious the Musquodoboit Harbour Farm Cat’s faithful amanuensis and general factotum admits somewhat sheepishly as he prepares to depart in search of his missing employer [Combs’ note: The Cat was missing at that time in the alt.callahans ficton].

During the course of my research and practical experimentation, prompted by such venerable literary antecedents … Read the rest...


This was posted on alt.humor.puns by Michael Balarama. The author is not known.

A man walks into a coffee shop, and is given a huge mug. But when he tries to drink from it, he discovers the mug contains a pair of beige cotton trousers. He complains to the counter staff, but doesn’t get anywhere. So they call the manager.

“But it’s exactly what you asked for,” the manager says.

Replies the customer, “How can this possibly be what I … Read the rest...

To Be, or Maybe Not

This is by Ray Meluch . Thank you.

While hiking in the Rockies with my wife’s family, we became stranded overnight on a high peak. We survived on nothing but stream water and a few handfuls of raisins. We found our way down the next morning, but it was a harrowing experience. Even today, I imagine that I owe my very life to those raisins. As a matter of fact, my wife still refers to me as her raisin debtor.… Read the rest...

Etude Indigo

By Alan B. Combs with commentary by Bob Levi

Tiny amounts of cobalt added to glass during the manufacturing process produce a deep, rich azure color. This art of glass coloration has been known since antiquity. However, a new characteristic of cobalt glass was discovered by musicians living in the Appalachian hills of Kentucky. Cups made of cobalt glass would ring with beautifully sustained tones when stroked or tapped. Bigger cups would resonate with low tones and the smaller ones … Read the rest...

One of the classics

Bob Levi forwarded this tale with the comment that he hadn’t seen it on the internet.

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So, she thought to herself, “I’ll give it a try just to see what it tells me.” She went over to the machine and put her nickel in, and … Read the rest...

Ol’ Spot

This shaggy pup was sent to me by Mel Lett. The author is not known.

A group of country neighbors wanted to get together on a regular basis and socialize. As a result, about 10 couples formed a dinner club and agreed to meet for dinner at a different neighbor’s houses each month. Of course the lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Jimmy and Susie Brown to have the dinner at their … Read the rest...

Hockey Cheers

This is another original from Bob Dvorak.

It was a boring hockey game. Scoreless after one period. Scoreless after two periods. Up and down the ice, neutral-zone traps employed both directions, not even a decent fight to lend a touch of excitement to the game.

Fred dozed off. Judy, sitting next to him, wondered at how he could spend $115 per seat to take a nap. As the midway point of the third period approached, the hometown crowd began to … Read the rest...


This was posted on the groaners listserv. The author is unknown.

A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits, but none could be found.

Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. He successfully … Read the rest...