All posts for the month May, 2002

The Herring and the Whale

This from Stan Kegel. The author is unknown.

For many years a certain white whale and a tiny herring had been inseparable friends. Wherever the white whale roamed in search of food, the herring was sure to be swimming right along beside him. One fine spring day the herring turned up off the coast of Norway without his companion. Naturally all the other fish were curious, and an octopus finally asked the herring what happened to his whale friend. “How … Read the rest...

A Tall Ship Tale #24: A Boy Named Siu

The continuation by the very creative Paul de Anguera, but you knew that.

Captain Quid purchased the Buddhist colony’s entire store of olives. As the First Mate entered the great stern cabin, he thought he recognized a crafty, acquisitive look on his superior officer’s face. “We can’t use all those olives,” he observed. “What are you going to do with them? Have you figured out some way to make money with them?”

The Captain grinned triumphantly and thumped the chart … Read the rest...


This was written by Howell Gwin who relays that the idea came to him while occupied under certain suspicious circumstances.

There was a Russian guy who used to work for the KGB; he gained quite a reputation as a bad guy to beat all bad guys. With the breakup of the Evil Empire, he suddendly found himself without a cause. He tried various things — black market, Moscow Mafia, but was unsatisfied.

Then he met a Lutheran missionary and was … Read the rest...

Stolen from Samuel Clemens

The Annual Bulwer-Lytton ( writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story.

This story is by Richard Raymond III. It was one of the Runner Ups in the 2000 contest.

Sighing, the professor rapidly scanned the English 101 term paper on … Read the rest...

Sportscaster Abe

From Stan Kegel, the author is unknown.

If Abe Lincoln were alive today, he would have become a baseball announcer before starting a career in politics, I can hear him announcing in his strong voice, “Yes folks, the Yankees were once in this game But that was four scores and seven errors ago.”… Read the rest...

Touring London

This variant was written by Dave Hewitt [] circa 1990.

A group was touring London, marveling at the historic buildings, art collections, and such. Of course, the group included people from many countries. During the tour of the Tower of London, a man from Prague and another man from Athens struck up a conversation about some point in history. A small disagreement ensued, which rapidly became a large one. They decided to settle the matter then and there, using the … Read the rest...

And It Won’t Cut Grass!

by Alan B. Combs

I have described previously the peculiar malevolence of inanimate objects. There is very little evidence to convince me, otherwise.

For example, I had a recent run in with my lawn mower. It is a famous brand, but is very difficult to start. This, time I tried to stand over it to be able to give a mighty tug on the rope. It belched out a large flame — which got me. I am changing brands, immediately.… Read the rest...

Geek Joke of the Rings

This is another tale from Andy Skinner who tells us, “Another geek joke, this one from a computer networking class.”

The professor was speaking on some aspect of computer networking, and gave an example of a user named Bilbo Baggins. I asked whether the system he was explaining would work well on a *Tolkien Ring.

*You have to know that a token ring is a kind of computer network.… Read the rest...

About Spiderman

By Alan B. Combs. Yeah, there are similar punchlines, but this one is mine.

With the success of his current movie, Spiderman is starting to receive the acclaim and honor that he deserves. For a long time it was not this way. In fact, in the Spiderman ficton, many people, especially those in power, are worried about the concept of a Super Hero with spectacular powers who takes justice into his own hands. For the followers of the comic book … Read the rest...

Soliloquy for Sorry Puns

By Alan B. Combs

There are certain expectable disappointments in life. My wife deems it necessary that I mow the lawn this and nearly every weekend. She also deems it necessary that I walk the dogs every day. My doctor deems it necessary that I lose (mumble, mumble, unspecified) pounds.

If I took all those suggestions and threw them out into the back yard, it would become a field of deems.

Which reminds me — the thing that Kevin Costner … Read the rest...