All posts for the month August, 2001


With tongue in cheek, rosecatt tells us a little about herself.

Thought I would reveal a little something ’bout myself. I am an Experimental Horticulturist, working on a Federal Grant to help develop cutting edge new food groups which can be grown by The Homeless in various cities (Austin was mentioned among others, that is why I am telling you this groaner).

It is felt that the opportunity to grow some of their own food might just bring satisfaction to … Read the rest...

A Tall Ship Tale #10: A Pledge of Alley Gents

Passing like ships in the night, here comes another Tall Ship Tale from Paul de Anguera.

When the Brotherhood priests returned to the frigate, they found the crew holding one of their members prisoner. He had sabotaged the H.M.S. Legume’s GAG levitation system in Chapter 4, and was evidently in the pay of the Tsar’s secret police. What was to be done? Where there was one saboteur, there might be more. As if this disgrace were not enough, there was … Read the rest...

Wiper Blades

I believe in its first incarnation, this was written by Gary Hallock.

I was driving down a lonely Colorado country road one cold winter day when it began to sleet pretty heavily. My windows were getting icy and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain. Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea. I stopped and began to overturn large rocks … Read the rest...

A New Set of Weals (Long and Shaggy)

This is from John Barnstead, raconteur extraordinary. The word and letter games within the tale are no accident, believe me.

[NOTE: this piece is around 225 lines long, and contains references to OUR PATRON(Spider Robinson)’s story “Melancholy Elephants” and a quote from “Time Pressure” — Caveat Lector!]

It was a dark and stormy night at Callahan’s, but it is over now.

Mike Callahan finishes wiping the last few glasses and replacing them in their cabinets as just a hint of … Read the rest...

Contest by the Waterway

By Damon Cook [damcook@NMSU.Edu], this was published on the groaners listserv. Thanks, Damon.

Johnny was an arm-wrestling champion. For years he had set up his table out by the channel, right beside the water gate. Not once had Johnny ever lost an arm-wrestling match. And every time he won he took twenty dollars from the loser. One would think that the other guys in the town would stop coming, but they came back, time and time again.

One day the … Read the rest...

The Lawyer and the Elephant

Lowrie Beacham sent me this lovely old story.

It seems that there were two brothers; one went to business school and became a banker, the other went to law school and became a lawyer. As will happen in some families, they drifted apart. So much so, that they completely lost touch with each other; neither knew the address or phone number of the other.

The banker did very well. He became vice president of a large eastern bank, which had … Read the rest...

Romance of the Brooms

This was posted by DA [] on alt.callahans.

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom. The other was the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.

The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride broom … Read the rest...

Dry Skin

This is by Gregory J. Scott [] who says it is a true story.

I get very dry skin each winter. Over the years, I have complained to my doctor about this, and each time, the doctor would recommend Keri Lotion. But it never helped.

Finally, I complained: “You’ve recommended Keri Lotion year after year, but it never helps!”

The doctor asked how much lotion I used, and when I told him, he gave me some additional instructions:

  1. Use it
Read the rest...

Historical Confusion: A Tall Tale

By Alan B. Combs

Some times it is altogether too difficult to gain the recognition for which one is due. This sad state of affairs can be exemplified by the following misadventure.

In a nameless land long ago and far away, the people were terrorized by a terrible scourge, the Gordian Dragon. In contrast to what we have learned about such creatures, this was not a fire-breathing dragon, but, perhaps, in some ways he was worse. He was a Sneezing … Read the rest...

The Magician III

Recycled humor from Stan Kegel, the author is not known.

“What’s your father’s occupation?” asked the school secretary on the first day of registration.

“He’s a magician,” said the new boy.

“How exciting. What’s his best trick?”

The boy said, “He saws people in half.”

“How impressive! Now, do you have any brothers or sisters?”

And the boy said, “Yep, one half brother and two half sisters.”… Read the rest...