All posts for the month January, 2001

The Snake

This is attributed to Jennifer R. Sanders by Stan Kegel who published it on the groaners listserv. It has the flavor of a Bulwer-Lytton entry.

“Undulate!” he commanded, and began to play, as the cobra in the wicker basket cunningly unwound herself and spread her hood in preparation for the finale to a career she had never sought, reflecting venomously that in only moments . . . she would be leaving this charmed life behind to strike out on her … Read the rest...

A Stop in Lower Economy

It is probably time for another of these. I have about twenty more on this theme, but am afraid to use them too often. This is by John Barnstead. It’s long and shaggy. I’ll bet he forgot he wrote it.

It hasn’t been much more than an hour and a half since the blue and silver bus left the Acadia Lines Terminal on Almon Street headed (eventually) for Boston – it runs as an express between Halifax and Truro, but … Read the rest...

The Bottom Lion

This is from Jelcy [].

Nero was talking to his financial advisors in a Roman amphitheater. “Why aren’t we making any money from this building?” he asked.

An advisor replied, “Because the lions are eating up all the prophets.”… Read the rest...

The Guru

This was published by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv.

A Jewish gentleman had a son who became a talkative New Age guru. After a while, his congregation, out of appreciation, bought a fancy new bench for their church, and he sat in it often, along with other worshippers.

One day the father decided that he wanted to visit his son, so he walked into the church, but the guru happened to be absent. Deciding to wait on the bench … Read the rest...

They Just Bug Me

This little pearl is from David Reihmer []. He published it on alt.humor.puns. It was also published on the groaners listserv.

My friend started hating people who collect insects. He’s a great guy, so I decided to follow his beliefs about this, even though I didn’t really understand them. Some others have joined in, too.

We don’t know why we hate people who collect insects, or why we blindly follow him, but we just consider him our leader. Maybe we’re … Read the rest...

Anheuser’s Lament

This is from (Irving H. Baker) on alt.callahans.

In Germany there was a marathon, wherein, each area sent their best runners to represent the area. The race was grueling and at the finish the runner from Bavaria staggered to the finish line first. As he passed the line, he dropped dead from exhaustion. Needless to say he became an instant hero to Bavaria and was moved to the city hall where he was lying in state. His catafalque became … Read the rest...

The Bartending Contest

This is by Liquor on alt.callahans.

Now most of you probably know that I normally drink a Nero. This is a kind of spicy drink (an ounce or two of hot pepper sauce, more if the sauce is something mild like Tabasco), but it looks like a normal Caesar.

Well, at one of the bars where I spent an excessive amount of time, they had a bar tending contest. The prize was one of those large stuffed bears that are … Read the rest...

Shaggy programmer story

From this is from Thank you.

One day a computer programmer was telling another programmer the old chestnut about the Cossacks:

“…so it’s like the 19th century and they’re having a pogrom, see, and this one Cossack breaks into the house of a wealthy noble family, and says he plans to rape every woman in the place.

“Well, the young and beautiful daughter steps forward and cries, ‘Do as you will with me, Barbarian, but, please, spare my saintly … Read the rest...

A True Lenten Sacrifice

This was posted on alt.callahans by Andruschak, who says, “Yes, it is a very old joke.”

This is the way I learned the story way back in 1959. Anyhow, one day this Irishman comes into the bar and ordered three beers. He slowly drank them one after another. He ordered another three beers, same thing.

After a few evenings of this, somebody finally had the nerve to ask why he ordered three beers at a time, since the last one … Read the rest...

The Dream

This tale is from “Goatboy’s Funny List” []. Stan Kegel published it on the groaners listserv. It sticks in my memory as being pretty old.

This guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with a concerned look on his face. “Doc,” he says, “I’m worried. It’s that dream. I’m having it, again.” “What dream?” asked the shrink, not really paying attention. “You know,” says the man, “the one where I’m into sadism, bestiality, and necrophilia. Should I be worried, or am … Read the rest...