All posts for the month January, 2000

J’accuse (A Political Tale)

Another original offering from Chris Cole.

Once upon a time Peter Cottontail considered running (or should that be “hopping”?) for public office. After all, he was already a quite well-known literary and musical personality. Surely he could parley that fame into the realm of politics.

Peter soon made the usual campaign stops throughout the forrest. He was harrassed at each stop, however, by a scruffy-looking homeless rabbit named Ted.

Ted was a “free spirit”, you might say, and he refused … Read the rest...

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by on January 17, 2000  •  Permalink
Posted in Rated G
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 17, 2000

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/jaccuse-a-political-tale/

Potted Grass

These lovely tales are from the groaners listserv.

A rock group on tour is motoring through Wyoming in its luxurious recreational vehicle. Suddenly, their passage is obstructed by hundreds of steers. The musicians hail a cowboy and politely ask if they may drive through in order to meet their concert date.

“No way,” snaps the cattleman.

The rockers huddle to consider their options, then return to the stubborn cowboy.

“We’ve got some really unusual grass,” they offer slyly. “Marijuana in … Read the rest...

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by on January 17, 2000  •  Permalink
Posted in Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Rated PG
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 17, 2000

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/potted-grass/

Red Roses

I remember something like this from my childhood. This was posted by Stan Kegel on the shaggydog group on egroups.com.

There was a boy in high school we will call Joey. One day Joey leaned over to the girl sitting next to him in class and whispered, “Red roses.” The shocked girl stood up, slapped Joey in the face and went crying to the teacher. The teacher called Joey to the desk and asked what he had said. “Red roses” … Read the rest...

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by on January 17, 2000  •  Permalink
Posted in Rated G, Shaggy Dogs
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 17, 2000

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/red-roses/

A Beautiful Sight to See…

I received this from Bob Levi who said, “I created this one a while ago and thought that tonight’s as good a time as any to release it to the public….”

The people of Kurdistan continue their struggles for a unified nation. And human rights for Kurds in neighboring countries, such as Turkey, Iran, Syria and Russia, remain important issues. One young Kurd, Massoud Atroushi, has been a vocal supporter of Kurdistan unification and the rights of his fellow countrymen … Read the rest...

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by on January 17, 2000  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 17, 2000

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-beautiful-sight-to-see/

Tossing Bulwer 01

The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a wretched story. Many excellent puns were sent this year, something that defeats the purposes of the contest, but fits our purposes well.

She wallowed in splendor, her wondrous white-wide wholeness frolicking with … Read the rest...

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by on January 17, 2000  •  Permalink
Posted in Rated G
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 17, 2000

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/tossing-bulwer-01/

Feghoot on Broadweigh

By Alan B. Combs, based upon a character created by Reginald Bretnor.

Ferdinand Feghoot and Fleet Officer Worf were accidently marooned on the planet Broadweigh. They were able to bring only a few artifacts with them. Feghoot had some red and white pieces of felt cloth, and Worf was carrying a large, hollow ruby called the Eye of Klingon. This important jewel was to be delivered to the Klingon government as a token of fealty by one of the powerful … Read the rest...

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by on January 17, 2000  •  Permalink
Posted in Original Feghoots, Rated G
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 17, 2000

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/feghoot-on-broadweigh/

History of Banking

This one is by Stan Kegel.

We are all used to the conveniences of a modern bank. While there has been money lenders throughout the ages, full service banks are a relatively new phenomenon. Molan Cache is usually considered the man who developed modern banking as we know it today. He enlisted the aid of Tomas Benes, the Count of Prague and chief financial advisor of King Charles II. The two were able to convince the Bohemian monarch to finance … Read the rest...

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by on January 17, 2000  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 17, 2000

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/history-of-banking/

Love Potion No. Nine

Mitch Friedman is responsible for sending me this gem.

A young man fell in love with a very lovely young lady. Unfortunately she did not return the feeling. In desperation he went and visited a group of witches searching for a love potion. They informed him that they no longer provided such an item. It was highly unethical to administer a potion to someone without her permission. They did have an alternate solution. They sold him a bottle of small … Read the rest...

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by on January 17, 2000  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 17, 2000

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/love-potion-no-nine/

The Best Stressed Puns of the Millennium

The International Save the Pun Foundation has voted as

The Best Stressed Puns of the Millennium.

Sharpen your pun cells, O pun pals. Let’s get to wit:

“PUNS ARE THEIR OWN REWORDS!”

JJJ

How can I use a lighthouse, a rose trellis a windstorm and a dune  in a tasteful punecdote? The answer: “HOW ABOUT A BEACON LATTICE AND TORNADO SAND RIDGE?”

JJJ

A herring who for many years swam along with a friendly whale showed up one day without … Read the rest...

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by on January 1, 2000  •  Permalink
Posted in News, Puns
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Posted by Brian P. Combs on January 1, 2000

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-best-stressed-puns-of-the-millennium/