All posts for the month July, 1999

An Ill-Wind — II

This is by Cynthia MacGregor and was posted on the puny listserv.

Once upun a time in a town far away, there was a prediction of heavy snow overnight, but all they got was a light dusting of the stuff. During the night, however, the mattress factory caught fire, and so on top of the rather minor quantity of snow that fell across town, there were also burnt bits of mattress that had escaped into the air and settled down … Read the rest...

The Cabbynet Maker

This Feghoot is by Clynch Varnadore and it was posted on the Groaners and PUNY listservs.

During a period of time in Ferdinand Feghoot’s life in which he was feeling particularly morose and depressed, he took a visit to London’s late 1800’s period. The soot, fog and bad morale of the commoners suited his mood, and he felt quite at home.

On his trip, he decided to do a little sight-seeing and so he hailed a cab. This cabbie was … Read the rest...

A real fish story

Beverly McGuire sent this to us. The author was not known at the time of posting.

It was April 4th 44, being a quadruple leap year, I was driving downtown Atlantis, my Baracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray and it was overheating. I pulled into a Shell Station, they said I’d blown a seal. I said “Fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of it, pal”.

While they were doing that … Read the rest...

Pun on the Fourth of July

This is by a new punster, Bob Welch. The lad may just have the touch.

A fellow and his wife in Muskogee, Oklahoma, where the people are all patriots, were blessed with the birth of twins, two identical girls. These twins were born on the 4th of July, and the father, being patriotic, said to his wife, “We will name them Liberty and Justice, after the pledge of alligence”.

His wife said, “Are you nuts? You can’t have girls going … Read the rest...

Just yell at it

Posted by Sandy Walke on alt.callahans in response to advice about fixing a car engine.

Actually, just yelling at the dang thing often helps. You have to yell just right, though. There are professionals who, after years of training and specialized emotional therapy, can handle that for you if you can’t figure it out. Of course, you already knew that a well-adjusted car berater can solve a lot of problems.… Read the rest...

Lone Starring

This is an original from Gilbert Krebs.

When Hugh Hefner had his Playboy mansion, there were a succession of Bunnies that he became involved with. It was a custom for each Bunny to present him with a necktie. Eventually, he had hundreds of them in his closet. When he finally married Kimberly Conrad, she became upset to see all those souveniers from former girlfriends. In a fit of pique, she grabbed them all and threw them at her new husband, … Read the rest...

Sven team? Sven team sics.

Stan Kegel sent this to the Groaners listserv about a year ago. I have saved it until it has become relevant, again.

A friend of mine recently returned from a trip to Bombay and Calcutta, where he purchased two diamond necklaces. On his return flight to the United States, he had to go through customs where he was asked to list everything he had purchased on his trip. So he made . . . the declaration of Indian pendants.… Read the rest...

Hoary Horse Tail

This is an original from Chris Cole. Thanks.

In New York’s Manhattan Island it’s quite common to see street preachers of every variety, from the calm presenter to the top-of-the-lungs fire-and-brimstone orator. Of particular note were four brothers who staked out the four corners of a busy intersection. They would begin their ministry early in the day, imploring and beseeching passersby to repent because of the upcoming End Times events described in the last book of the Bible, Revelation (sometimes … Read the rest...

Future’s Tense

The two tales told herein are all over the internet. The author of the first one is not known.

It is not well known, but before moving to an island and conducting bizzare DNA experiments, Doctor Moreau was once a prominent audiologist.

He had set up a clinic in the small town of Stapes, France and it wasn’t long before his research led him to discover the means by which even those with severe hearing loss could once again appreciate … Read the rest...


One of the traditions in the alt.callahans virtual bar is to throw peanuts at the punsters. This one is by Stark Night (aka Sean Roberts).

Starknight looks up with an innocent expression on his face. “Me? Throw peanuts? I would never do such a thing – ask anyone here!”

He looks around. “OK, scratch that thought… Umm, I guess I need to follow up, huh?” Scratching his head, he wanders over to the bar and gets a refill (the Patrons … Read the rest...