All posts for the month November, 1998

Blind Causality

This was in the November, 1998, issue of mini-Annals of Improbable Research. Investigator David Singmaster again invites controversy:

In the recent Mini-AIR was a question about the relation of Viagra use and blindness. My university includes a large hospitality and catering department which used to be the National College of Baking. I conjectured that prolonged exposure to flour dust could well cause glaucoma and planned to publish a paper on it: “Master Baking Makes you Blind.”… Read the rest...

Out of Sorts

By Dave Aronson, based on a character by Reginald Bretnor. It was posted to the Gaggle of Groaners listserv. Dave asks that we provide a llnk to his home page.

Ferdinand Feghoot the Fourteenth was a grizzled veteran at embedded software, but even he occasionally ran across a processor he hadn’t worked on before. The boss called him into the office one day….

“Ferd, we’ve got to write some software for an absolutely ancient computer. I want you to … Read the rest...

Grassy damnation

This was submitted by Chris Cole.

Earthen dams still exist in many parts of the country — around the world, in fact. Funny thing about them, however… With ready access to a usually reliable supply of water, those dams with steady resevoir levels and good soil produce a thick, rich carpet of grass on them. This lush covering often grows so quickly that it begins to seem impossible to maintain a neatly-trimmed appearance. Folks have been know to comment that … Read the rest...

Feghoot’s Bride (Feghoot XXVII)

This is by Reginald Bretnor writing under the pseudonym of Grendel Briarton.

In 2263, Ferdinand Feghoot and his beautiful wife landed on Blaupunkt, a backwoods planet where thousands of construction hands, crewmen, and scientists had been marooned for six years. They at once fell madly in love with her. Luckily, one of their scientists had perfected a matter duplicator which could duplicate living beings as easily as ten-credit bills. The duplicates were shy on intelligence, but the Feghoots’ hosts didn’t … Read the rest...

Feghoot XXXVII: Feghoot Shipwrecked

By Reginald Bretnor as Grendel Briarton

In 2631, Ferdinand Feghoot found himself spaceshipwrecked on the fifth planet of Schimmelhorn III. The only other survivor was Dr. Jacqueline Cusp, the famous biologist, advocate of parthenogenesis, author of the popular work entitled “All Men Are Beasts”, and founder of a female movement which required its members to wear Mother Hubbards and full masks at all times.

In the wreck, their clothing had been almost completely burned off, but Feghoot, whose chivalry was … Read the rest...

Marcel at the Shaggy Gallows

This was posted by Lee Jackson.

If you’ve ever been to California, especially the Los Angeles area, you know that there are a lot of strange companies doing business out there. Some of the strangest are the “agencies” that cater to celebrities. Places that will, for a fee, analyze your best colors, surroundings, wardrobe, you name it.

A bit up the road, the Gallo winery was looking for something for their employees to do in the off-season. Most of the … Read the rest...

Gent-ly evicted?

This was published in alt.callahans over a year ago. It seems even more timely, now.

Liquor is paranomastically inclined again.

Thank goodness October is more than halfway over. There is a local group of Buddhists, and their revered fathers have formed a musical group. Normally I wouldn’t mind, but with Oktoberfest going on, I don’t want to listen to another Om – papa band.

He grins as he hears muttering, and continues.

Ahhh – you cannot tell a tale truly … Read the rest...