From: Jim Ertner [ertner@psnsbsn.navy.mil] and was posted on the groaners listserv.
I, too, once had a friend, Joe, who worked in the coal mines. Unfortunately, he was killed in a freak accident when some movers lost their grip on a grand piano they were transporting; the piano fell down the mine shaft and crushed Joe to death. A local composer wrote an orchestral piece in memory of Joe: It was called “Symphony in A Flat Miner.”… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/in-memory-of-joe/
This appears to have been originally sent by Ian Davidson. It was sent to me by Seth Cohen who thought it fit my requirements.
A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee!
She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in her cup. Puzzled, she asked “Honey, what are the army men … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/juan-valdez-perhaps/
This touching tale was told by Liquor on alt.callahans.
“Of course, you have not yet heard about the Clark family’s genetically enhanced baby, Junior, yet. This baby was just a little bit on the strong side. When he wailed, as he often did, his voice would blow things across the room. When Junior wanted out of his crib, well, they used inch thick steel bars to build the crib, and had to have a welder come out to the farm … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-wailing-wall/
by Alan B. Combs
Too frequently it’s just very difficult being a serpent. Fat ladies wham you with clubs, some people give you respect but very few give you love. This is the sad tale of a serpent we shall call Fred.
Fred needed love and appreciation, but being what he was, he found these hard to find. One day he tried to befriend a man in the park. Very soon, Fred figured out that the man did not have … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shaggy-serpent/
This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv.
An Annapolis cadet (or an Aggie, if you prefer) recently wrote on a literature exam, “Sancho Panza always rode on a burrow.”
To this his instructor responded, “A burro is an ass. A burrow is a hole in the ground. As a future officer, you are expected to know the difference.”… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/whence-the-windmills/
Mitch sent me this groaner. As is the case with many folks, he is very faithful.
Once upon a time in England, a very mean witch was terrorizing the local population. They finally went to a wizard to see what could be done about her. The wizard gave them a potion that would turn the witch into a statue.
The townspeople managed to put the potion in the witch’s food. When she found out about this, she turned green with … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/which-witch/
This very ancient pharmaceutical shaggy tale was posted on the groaners listserv.
A man was walking home alone one night when he hears a “BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…” behind him. Walking faster, he looks back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him…”BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…”
The man begins to run towards his home, and the coffin bounces after him faster…faster…BUMPBUMPBUMP. He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-noise-in-the-night/
A version of this story has been attributed to Bennett Cerf. A version can also be found in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns”.
A distant cousin of Syngman Rhee from Korea got a job as a photographer for Life Magazine. His work was excellent and he soon became one of their top stars. One day he failed to show up for work. A week went by and he still did not show. Fellow workers phoned his hotel and … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-photographer/
This came from Jim McMaster , and was posted via the Groaners listserv by Stan Kegel.
There was once an evil scientist named Eric Strano. He hated all of humanity. He was so mean he moved to the wilds of Transylvania and erected signs all around his property saying, “EVIL SCIENTIST! KEEP OUT!”
Strano hated mankind so much he decided to do away with everyone on Earth. His fiendish plan was to develop an army of man-eating robots that would … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/evil-eric-shun/