All posts for the month May, 1998

Bay of Fundy

This was posted on alt.callahans by John Barnstead.

Pernicious the Musquodoboit Harbour Farm Cat, who has found there to be somewhat of a dearth of TALL TALES at Callahan’s lately, has decided to try to ameliorate this sad state of affairs.

Many Callahanians, well-informed bunch that they seem so often to be, are no doubt aware of the continuing research being conducted throughout Atlantic Canada on questions of harnessing the powerful tides to be found in the Bay of Fundy … Read the rest...

In memory of Joe

From: Jim Ertner [] and was posted on the groaners listserv.

I, too, once had a friend, Joe, who worked in the coal mines. Unfortunately, he was killed in a freak accident when some movers lost their grip on a grand piano they were transporting; the piano fell down the mine shaft and crushed Joe to death. A local composer wrote an orchestral piece in memory of Joe: It was called “Symphony in A Flat Miner.”… Read the rest...

Juan Valdez, perhaps?

This appears to have been originally sent by Ian Davidson. It was sent to me by Seth Cohen who thought it fit my requirements.

A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee!

She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in her cup. Puzzled, she asked “Honey, what are the army men … Read the rest...

The Wailing Wall

This touching tale was told by Liquor on alt.callahans.

“Of course, you have not yet heard about the Clark family’s genetically enhanced baby, Junior, yet. This baby was just a little bit on the strong side. When he wailed, as he often did, his voice would blow things across the room. When Junior wanted out of his crib, well, they used inch thick steel bars to build the crib, and had to have a welder come out to the farm … Read the rest...

Shaggy Serpent

by Alan B. Combs

Too frequently it’s just very difficult being a serpent. Fat ladies wham you with clubs, some people give you respect but very few give you love. This is the sad tale of a serpent we shall call Fred.

Fred needed love and appreciation, but being what he was, he found these hard to find. One day he tried to befriend a man in the park. Very soon, Fred figured out that the man did not have … Read the rest...

Whence the windmills?

This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv.

An Annapolis cadet (or an Aggie, if you prefer) recently wrote on a literature exam, “Sancho Panza always rode on a burrow.”

To this his instructor responded, “A burro is an ass. A burrow is a hole in the ground. As a future officer, you are expected to know the difference.”… Read the rest...

Which Witch?

Mitch sent me this groaner. As is the case with many folks, he is very faithful.

Once upon a time in England, a very mean witch was terrorizing the local population. They finally went to a wizard to see what could be done about her. The wizard gave them a potion that would turn the witch into a statue.

The townspeople managed to put the potion in the witch’s food. When she found out about this, she turned green with … Read the rest...

A Noise in the Night

This very ancient pharmaceutical shaggy tale was posted on the groaners listserv.

A man was walking home alone one night when he hears a “BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…” behind him. Walking faster, he looks back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him…”BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…”

The man begins to run towards his home, and the coffin bounces after him faster…faster…BUMPBUMPBUMP. He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes … Read the rest...

The Photographer

A version of this story has been attributed to Bennett Cerf. A version can also be found in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns”.

A distant cousin of Syngman Rhee from Korea got a job as a photographer for Life Magazine. His work was excellent and he soon became one of their top stars. One day he failed to show up for work. A week went by and he still did not show. Fellow workers phoned his hotel and … Read the rest...

Evil Eric Shun

This came from Jim McMaster , and was posted via the Groaners listserv by Stan Kegel.

There was once an evil scientist named Eric Strano. He hated all of humanity. He was so mean he moved to the wilds of Transylvania and erected signs all around his property saying, “EVIL SCIENTIST! KEEP OUT!”

Strano hated mankind so much he decided to do away with everyone on Earth. His fiendish plan was to develop an army of man-eating robots that would … Read the rest...