Mitch sent me this one. I can only use it for the rude list, but I like the pun.
An Asian man walked into the currency exchange line in a New York bank with 2000 yen, and he walked out with $72. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66.
He asked the teller why he got less money than he had gotten the previous week. The lady said, “Fluctuations.”
The Asian man stormed out, … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/rude-currency-exchange/
This was posted by Blessing (AKA Linda Wilkinson) on alt.callahans. It started a cascade of punish responses that I can only describe as going downhill from there.
Long ago, as most stories start, there was a king who was adept at the art of politics. The monarchy was a game he played well even to the point of being a little bloodthirsty. He governed many large territories, and as a result his court was full of emissaries and ambassadors. Truth … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/extremes/
This was posted by Dave Henry on the groaners listserv. The author is unknown.
OBITUARY — RENOWN SCIENTIST, 58, DIES
ATHOL, WY (DPI) — A freak accident at an experimental geothermal power plant claimed the life of noted electro-nutritionist Dr. Otto Mymynd. Mymynd earned the scorn of his colleges in his early years when he called them myopic sycophants. He later gained their flattery with such inventions as the infrared flashlight, the burpless cucumber, methane deficient cabbage and the environmentally … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/geothermal-mistake/
An original feghoot for your Halloween pleasure from Bob Levi (boblevi@starnetinc.com).
Three college students were trying to decide how each of them should dress for a forthcoming fraternity Halloween costume party.
The first one was a European history major. Since he was currently studying Russian Communism, he thought that he might dress as one of his heroes, Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov. “Who was he,” asked one of the others.
“You know him as Lenin,” was the reply. “Not only was Lenin … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-patriotic-shaggy/
The idea for this pun came from Stan Kegel via laugh@laugh-your-***-off.com
“Today,” said the professor , “I will be lecturing about the contents of the abdomen. We will look at the liver, the spleen, the pancreas, the duodenum, the ileum, the jejunum, the kidneys, the adrenal glands, and many other structures.”
Up in the gallery, one med student leaned toward the other, “Damn, if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s an organ recital!”… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/medical-anatomy/
B.C., Mother Goose and Grimm, Frank and Ernest — one must read these daily for the puns and shaggy dog stories they sneak by. An October 1998 Frank and Ernest cartoon is a good example.
It appears that our two protagonists were the proprietors for a fine art and precious metals auction. When asked how the auction went, they said, “We sold everything but the kitsch and zinc.”… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/toons/
This was written by Reginald Bretnor under the penname of Grendel Briarton.
It was Ferdinand Feghoot who, in 3312, first proved that fish were highly intelligent and that men could converse with them. He was accorded the honor of signing the ensuing Treaty of Peace, Amity, Commerce, and Navigation which was also endorsed by an imposing elderly shark.
“I spent seventeen months eavesdropping on fish conversations and analyzing their language,” he told reporters after the ceremony. “Then I slipped overboard … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/feghoot-xi-fishy-feghoot/
This was posted on alt.callahans by LIN KA-MING (Magus Firecow [kamin@mms.utoronto.ca]).
Magus Firecow, overawed at all the recent wordplays decides that he’s overdue in contributing another one…
“Once, a pun, a dime, if you’d like more, ask about our bulk rate…
“Once a pun a time, there lived a brave prince, an evil step-mother, a magic mirror, a poisonous apple, seven dwarves, and a beautiful lady named Snow White.
“Seeing as how you all know how most of this story … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/snow-what/
This Feghoot is by Reginald Bretnor writing under the pseudonymn of Grendel Briarton.
It was Ferdinand Feghoot’s inflexible logic which, in 3938, succeeded in tempering the barbarous colonial oppressions of Chunder-ud-Din, the All-Powerful Lord… of Hindustan, Earth, and the Outlying Worlds, The Son of the Prophet, and The Official Reincarnation of Pandit Nehru, Maria Callas, and Bishop G. Bromley Oxnam.
On the conquered planet Saddhu XVI, which was singularly earthlike, this Autocratic Ruler saw the important role played in the … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/awk-awk-feghoot-feghoot-no-xxii/
This was posted by Trevor Gale in alt.humor.puns. The author is unknown.
Someone told me when driving that I was driving sort of sheepish.
I asked why, and he asked, “Would you run a red light?”
“Yep, if I had to, ” I replied.
He asked, “And would you make a U-turn in the middle of the highway?”
So I told him, “If I was a ram, I’d make a ewe turn anywhere!”… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/sheeps-tale-of-the-highway/