Worst Wives

This was posted on the shaggy dog listserv. The author is not known.

A couple of old cowboys (Sam and Bubba) were sitting in a bar having a drink (or two or three), doin’ what most old cowboys do — complaining about the heat, the cows and their wives. They weren’t exactly the brightest guys, and neither were their comments. Every day they said pretty much the same thing. And it always ended in a pissing contest over who had the worst wife.

Today though something was different. There was a wise looking elderly Indian Chief sitting at the bar. They decided to ask him to decide, who had the worst wife.

The first man (Sam) complained that his wife was always arguing with him. No matter what he said, she always said the opposite. She didn’t just say it either, she said it so loud that the neighbors complained.

The old Chief listened attentively and then said, “If your wife was Indian, we would name her Fire-Water.”

Sam asked “Why would you call her Fire-Water?”

The Indian Chief replied, “Every time she opens her mouth she breathes fire and your knees turn to water.”

The second man (Bubba) said “My wife is so bad that we haven’t hadn’t had physical relations in darn near twenty years.”

The chief again listened attentively and pronounced Bubba’s wife as “Sleeping-Dragon.”

When Bubba asked why, the chief replied, “If you try to touch her while she is sleeping, she will become a dragon and bite your head off.”

Sam and Bubba had a good laugh over their wives new names. Then Sam asked, “Okay, them Indian names are pretty cool, but…. Who has the worst wife?”

The chief replied, “I do.”

Bubba asked what the chief’s wife’s name was.

The chief replied something along the lines of “Whumpo Havo Noja”

Both Sam and Bubba looked very confused, and so the chief explained, “That’s my wife’s Indian name, it translates in English to ” Three-Old-Horses.”

More puzzled than ever before Bubba asked, “Yeah, but what does it (Three-Old-Horses) mean?

The chief sighed, took a sip of his beer and said , “Nag, Nag, Nag.”

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