Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Wine Story

Category: alt.humor.puns, Rated G

This was posted by David Arnold on alt.humor.puns. We have not be able to confirm the original author. It helps to understand this story, by the way, to be a wine aficionado, especially an aficionado of the most elegant German wines.


Once upon a time in the small German village of Uberunderdorf, there was a master vintner by the name of Herr Trocken. Now, Herr Trocken was famous throughout the region for his vineyards and the quality of his wines. Indeed, it would seem that his life was complete except for one problem; his wastrel son who seemed to have no ambition, no skills, and no interest in taking over the winery which had been in the family for eleven generations. It seemed that young Trocken had no noteworthy abilities, except getting into trouble.

One day, young Trocken, haven fallen impetuously in love with a young maiden in the village (for about the 20th time) decided that he needed some rich gift to impress her. Having been cut off by his pater long before, he had no funds. Desperate, he snuck into a shop run by an elderly widow and attempted to purloin the most expensive and elegant lace scarf in the shop. It was a fine plan, except for the keen eye of the widow. She grabbed young Trocken by the ear and, belaboring him with her stick the whole way, drug him through the town square to the Gasthaus zum Lowen where Herr Trocken senior was taking his afternoon refreshment. Herr Trocken, a man of great dignity was absolutely mortified by what seemed to be the final, disastrous transgression of his son. He moaned and wailed and rended his garments, professing his disgrace and intent to leave the town forever.

“Wait, Herr Trocken,” the village Burgermeister interceded. “Can’t you see that this is what you have always wanted?”

Stunned and deeply offended, Herr Trocken managed to only stare at the Burgermeister.

“Can’t you see!” the Burgermeister said, “Here is the finest example of the German Vinter’s art: a Trocken Bearing Off Lace!”

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