Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

Windows of Opportunity

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

Joe Blake submitted this little guy.

A bloke was walking along the street one day when he passed the local community hall and heard a burst of enthusiastic applause from within. He noticed a small handwritten sign on the door which said “Free Lecture – How to Succeed. All Welcome.” He entered the door and found himself in a room packed with people, bursting into spontaneous applause as they listened to the speaker on the stage. Standing at the back of the hall he was able to hear, in between rounds of cheering, that the speaker was describing how he was inspired watching an ant struggling to carry a piece of food many times its weight, and how, despite dropping it every few paces, it persevered until it reached its nest. “This ant,” he said, “so filled my heart with hope and courage that I decided to call it Phil, and use it as an example of what could be achieved …” but the rest of his speech was lost amidst thunderous applause. The cheering man next to the visitor turned and said, “Isn’t he great? He uses Phil as an example for almost everything.”

Puzzled, our friend ventured to ask who the speaker was. His neighbour’s jaw dropped and a look of surprise spread over his face. “Why, haven’t you heard of him? He’s Gill Bates, renowned around the world as a great Phil Ant tropeist.”

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