From the groaners listserv.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The biblical perspective:

Abraham:

     And G-d appeared to me and said, Abraham, Abraham, take the chicken, thy only chicken, that thou lovest, and take it across the road…

The Bible:

     (1) And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

     (2) And so the Lord he spoke to the chicken – cross the road and ye shall find thine own true kingdom. And so did the chicken cross the road in the glory of the lord. Upon the other side did the chicken did beget another chicken which begot another chicken whom begets another chicken who begat another chicken…

David:

     Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of chickens…

Ecclesiastes:

     (1) A time to cross, a time to stand still

     (2) For every fowl, there is a season. A time for garlic, a time for sage…

     (3)This bird is meaningless.

     (4) There is no new chicken under the sun.

God:

     Thou Shalt Cross The Road !!

Goliath:

     A slingshot and a what??????

Isaiah:

     I came upon a valley of dry chicken bones…

Jesus:

     (1) Forgive it Father, for it does not know what it does.

     (2) The farmer misunderstood. I said,  Turn the other cheek, not turn the other chick.

Job:

     Now where’s the damn gizzards?

Lot:

     I told her not to look back.

Moses:

     (1) Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road part-way and becometh unclean, though it resemble in its flatness the bread which is unleavened or the blintz which is unfilled, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.

     (2) And the L-rd said: “Thou shalt cross the road.”

     (3) And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” and the chicken did cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Noah:

     To find her rooster to get in line to board the arc.

Mrs. Noah:

     A dove, stupid, he said a dove!

Psalms:

     Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no road!

Solomon:

     (1) To make that determination, I propose cutting the chicken in half.

     (2) Everything is vanity.

New Testament:

     He among you who has not crossed roads, let him cast the first egg!

Old Testament:

     And rooster and hen were married. And rooster did begat chicken. And chicken did cross the road.