Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

Why Coaches Get the Big Bucks

Category: Puns, Rated G

Another by Bob Dvorak.

As the bullpen sweated through the top of the ninth inning, the coaches were huddling over the last licks. Down two runs, three outs to go.

Quinlan spoke up. “I figure we still have Menendez on the bench — our only position player left, but he’s left-handed. Stick him in the pitcher’s spot. The way I see it, he should take two pitches — Thornton won’t throw an actual strike until the third toss. If he can eke out a walk, or find his way on, put in Hamilton to run for him. He doesn’t have to throw until Thursday and he’s a heckuva lot better runner than Menendez.

“Then when Stoner comes up at the top of the order, have him take the first two and put on a hit and run. If they get on, we have the big guns coming up so after that, well, it’s fate.”

Dreyer looked at the manager. “Sounds like about the best plan we’ve got, boss. Get the lineup card. Write down your rally.”

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