Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Which Story?

Category: Pun Cascade, Puns, Rated PG

Wherein begins a pun cascade started by Bob Dvorak and other participants on the PUNY listserv.


Kathleen was a wreck. She’d just caught Jim fooling around (again) with another girl. What to do? What to do?

Making up her mind, she looked up “Witches” in the Yellow Pages and made an appointment to see Ms. Serry.

When she arrived she was even more agitated than before. Although the receptionist offered her a seat, some tea, and something to read, Kathleen could do nothing but pace. Large, strident steps. Back and forth the length of the room.

When Ms. Serry finally came out to receive her, the witch said, “Really, Miss, you’re working yourself into quite a condition there. Please come in and sit for a spell.”

Bob Dvorak


The reason the witch invited her in, of course, is because Ms. Serry loves company.

Cyn MacGregor


Then, of course, there were the three witches who went in together on the purchase of a condo; and then discovered that since they weren’t related the covenants wouldn’t allow them to live there.

Bob Dvorak


They used to be related by marriage but, since the divorce, they were merely hex-sisters-in-law.

Cyn MacGregor


The witch’s daughter misbehaved at school, so she was hexpelled.

Jim Ertner


A kindly wizard removed the spell. It was a hexagon.

Cyn MacGregor


I was hanging out in a bar with that guy. He didn’t know where the men’s room was, so I went to the men’s room and took a Wiz.

Bob Dvorak


HBO is considereing a new TV show about four witches who sit around on a living room sofa. It’s called Hex in the Settee.

Jim Ertner


After a long and productive lifetime of hunching over her bubbling cauldron muttering incantations and concocting various enchanted brews, the wretched crone finally came to the realization that she was no longer in her prime. In addition to the pronounced dowager’s hump she’d developed, her arthritic feet were an almost constant source of pain and torment for her. She could barely stuff her wrinkled toes into those pointed boots any longer.

One evening as she emptied her tote sack onto her enormous chopping block and began the tedious task of mincing up a fresh batch of bat tongues and newt eyes, an idea suddenly dawned upon her. If she had a smaller, more portable cutting board, she might just as easily process these ingredients in her lap as she was comfortably seated beside her boiling cauldron. “Ah, yes,” She muttered to herself. “It would be nice to be able to sit for a spell.”

GARY HALLOCK (From PUNY loop 4/479 – 11/13/04)


When the original spell seeker had been for her fourteenth visit to cure her husband’s wandering eye, wandering hands, wandering…(you get the picture), she began to think all was not as it should be. ‘Episodic,’ she started to say to herself. ‘Every week it’s another thing to put in his favourite metal mug; with another incantation. It just seems like Serry lies.’

It wasn’t working either, so she didn’t rate it highly.

Joseph Harris


One day last Wiccan I wanted to have sects with a witch. I heard they give Moorehead and I Wanda-ed if this was true. After a spell I went over to cauldron Ms Montgomery to get Samanthas. When I got there her gates Endoras warlocked so I figured I’d be Darrin and climb innuendo. The place was a mess. It was simply a Paul Lynde. It looked like the brick coven had exploded. I thought to myself, “This is spooky. Alice Ghostley and Serena in here, and quite for Lorne.” I think Elizabeth and Sargent York had broken up because there was a message scrawled on the wall. “My divorce bewitch you.”

GARY HALLOCK

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