Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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What the Dickens?

Category: Rated G

This offering is from Scarlett, our Pun Mistress.


Back in 1798, Henry B. Times, the famous inventor/collector was finally persuaded to place some of his notable items in a time capsule to be opened in , you guessed it, this very year.

Of course, Henry wanted the items he placed for posterity to reflect his genius and his collector’s eye. One of the things, you may recall, that he is most remembered for, is his food preserver, the Times Saver. He is also known for the Time X (or King’s X) clock but that is an altogether different story. Anyway, he agreed to contribute items if they included the Times Saver and an article of clothing from his clothiers, ClothesTime.

To demonstrate the value and efficacy of the Times Saver, he insisted on placing within it, a veal sausage. “At least,” he said, “it takes a little longer for a sausage to go bad, just in case.”

From the clothiers, he selected an undercoat, a vest, if you will. You may not know this, but Henry B. Times started the craze of wearing vests.

Well, into the time capsule they went, a Timespiece, oh, you know, the usual sort of stuff, the food saver and the clothing. The only thing they forgot was the description of the articles. a last minute oversight.

What a bummer. Two hundred years passed and it was time to open the capsule. Reporters, thrill-seekers, and passeres-by amassed to witness. The governor opened the capsule and out came the items but no one could tell what they were except for one smart-alecky generation X-er who thought to look at the label on the vest. Then he opened the Times Saver and exclaimed to the amazement of all,

“It was the vest of Times. It was the wurst of Times.”

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