The Annual Bulwer-Lytton (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/) writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story.

The following tale by Susan Blevin was one of the runnerups for 2001.

While they listened to the dulcet strains of Wayne Newton, quaffed champagne, cuddled in the hot tub as bubbles nibbled at their shoulders like a peckish Pomeranian, Tiffany and Shane grew lethargic and groggy; and as Shane drew a final, sweet drag from his cigarette, an errant breeze hijacked an ember-only to release it into the slumbering Tiffany’s mane; but Shane, besotted and inherently doltish, could muster no plan of rescue until he heard Wayne Newton intone, “Dunk her, Shane.”