This is attributed to the late Detroit comedian Seymour Kapetansky, and it was publishedon the groaners listserv — so silly, but I like it.

Vampires from all over the world gather each fall deep in the forests of Transylvania to renew their commitment to their calling.

Here, in what they call “their neck of the woods”, they reverently view the scroll, written and signed in blood, which contains their history and lists their rites and responsibilities.

Then, at midnight, they stand at attention and . . . swear allegiance to the Draculation of Vein Dependence!