Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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To humor a Scandinavian

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

This was posted by lightlrd (The Unloved) in alt.callahans.


I recently spent a week camping in the deep woods. The camp grounds I was in had a black bear problem — I personally saw at least two different bears. The bears would regularly wander into occupied campsites, sniff around, and frighten the bejeezus out of any inexperienced campers. (They also raided any food left out in the open, of course.)

The camp staff this year was quite well-trained, and properly instructed all campers in the proper method of handling a “bear visitation” — which basically is to remain calm, and to quietly step away from the bear. (Black bears are usually quite placid, unless cornered or threatened.) This is a sharp contrast to the camp staff they had last year.

Last year, three bears (A mother and two cubs) wandered onto one of the main trails in the camp. The staff at that time flew into a panic, fearing that the bears might attack anyone walking down those trails. They tried to get the bears to go back into the deep woods by scaring them, using loud noises and threatening gestures. This is about the WORST thing you can do with bears, particularly with a mother and cubs. The ferocity of a mother bear defending her young is legendary — the camp staffers were extremely fortunate that they weren’t mauled.

Upon hearing of this, I quipped “Gee, those staffers were really CRUISIN’ FOR A BRUIN!”

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