Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Three Martian Tales with a Jewish Flavor

Category: Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Politically Incorrect, Puns, Rated G, Shaggy Puppy

These connected stories were posted on the groaners listserv.


Two Martians alighted from their spaceship.

Over their weird clothes hung long black silk coats. Instead of ears two twisted antennas protruded from each head, and perched on top was a black beaver bowler top.

A television news reporter arrived on the scene and managed to get close enough to one of the Martians to interview him.

“Do all Martians look like that?” he asked.

“No,” answered the Martian, “only the Orthodox.”


By good luck, the Martian comes across a store with a sign showing a wheel, and a bunch of wheels in the window. He enters the store, gets the attention of the clerk behind the counter (hard to do, as the Martian is only a foot tall), and says, “Excuse me, I’d like to buy a wheel.”

“Wheel?” says the clerk. “We don’t have wheels here.”

“Then what are those things in the window?”

“Oh, those aren’t wheels. They’re bagels.”

“Gee, they look just like wheels. What do *you* use them for?”

“We eat them,” says the clerk, and he hands a bagel to the Martian.

The Martian takes a taste, chews thoughtfully, and lights up. “Hey,” he says, “I bet these would go great with cream cheese and lox!”


A lady went down for breakfast in her Miami Beach hotel. She noticed another lady and went to speak to her.

“Hello, my dear, you’re not from around here?”, she asked.

“No,” replied the second, “I’m from Mars.”

Asked the first lady, “Mars? Do all Martian ladies have green skin as you do?”

“Yes, all Martian ladies have green skin like mine.”

“And do all Martian ladies have 3 eyes as you do?”

“Yes, all Martian ladies have 3 eyes like me.”

“And do all Martian ladies have 6 fingers on each hand as you do?”

“Yes, all Martian ladies have 6 fingers on each hand like I do”

“And do all Martian ladies have so many diamonds?”

“Not the goyim!”

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