Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Worm Turns

Category: Rated G

Chris Cole tells us, “Here’s another one of my self-induced deliruims….”


Robbie Robin was a worm-catcher extraordinaire. He arose earlier than all the other birds and took great pride in his worm-acquiring abilities. Often he’d encounter worms who were trying desperately to verbally — uh — worm their way out of their impending doom. “Last of my family” and “the-wife-and-kids” excuses abounded. No dice. They simply became Robbie’s breakfast. Some would try to physically resist Robbie, but his tough beak won every time. He remained the King of Worm Catchers.

That is, until just recently. Robbie sneaked up on a worm early one morning and just as he prepared to pounce, the little worm turned around and solidly punched him right in the beak! Robbie blinked hard and rubbed his sore nose. The worm then began to verbally abuse Robbie, cussing him up one side and down the other with a vocabulary that would make most sailors blush. He escalated his attack, insulting Robbie’s ancestors all the way back beyond the Ark to the first pair of robins ever created in The Beginning. Robbie was so stunned by this display of wormy chutzpah that he just shook his head and staggered away in shock, this being the first morning he had ever failed to get his worm. The worm watched Robbie’s retreat and muttered to himself with obvious satisfaction, “The surly worm gets the bird!”

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