Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Waitress

Category: Adult Theme

The author is unknown


When Victoria graduated from Syracuse University, the stunning blond went into the world thinking that it would be her oyster! But it was not to be so. As a food services major, she naturally gravitated to the restaurant field. She applied to the major 5-star eating establishments and, in each case, met the same fate — the lecherous chef! Her good looks and vibrant personality brought out the worst in the men she met and — after a while — she began to resent the men in the industry.

She finally decided that perhaps the best way to get along would be to start at the bottom, so she took a job as a waitress in a nice but modest restaurant. She got along very well because of her schooling she knew how to please her diners. This — along with her fine looks — soon had her tips to the point that even she was astonished.

But the usual thing happened. One wise guy, sitting alone, propositioned her the first time she waited on him. She ignored his somewhat crude remarks for a while, but when he reached out and touched her, she turned around a slapped him hard. And that was her first big mistake. It turned out that the smart youngster was the son of the restaurant owner and he had her fired.

This fate seemed to follow her wherever she waited tables, and she gradually moved to less classy eating places. In about two years Victoria found herself as a waitress in a small working-class restaurant. It was called Sam’s Place and catered to workmen and their families.

It was a large German patron named Conrad that started on the same road she knew so well.

When she gave him the menu and asked him for his order, he looked at her slyly and, in a heavy Teutonic accent, said: “I would like to try a quickie.”

Victoria stalked off, face burning, and waited on another of her tables. When she recovered her composure, she went back to Conrad and, again, asked him for his order. Again, the same answer, he wanted a quickie.

She stalked away again and went over to another waitress, Zoe, and asked her what she should do. Zoe, who was small and quick said that she would take care of that smart alec. She went over to Conrad, and Victoria saw that they were in a heated discussion. Zoe took a menu and held it out for Conrad. Conrad pointed to something on the card and Zoe shook her head and smilingly came back to Victoria.

“What what that all about,” asked Victoria.

Zoe replied, “Get the big boob one order of Quiche.”

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