Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Ten Best Stressed Puns of 2002

Category: Haiku, News, Puns

THE INTERNATIONAL SAVE THE PUN FOUNDATION brings you, FOR A MEDIA RELIEF (As in press and release) the

The Ten Best?Stressed Puns of 2002 which have just been announced by Norman Gilbert, the Chairman of the Bored of this the world’s largest apocryphal society. So many entries were nominated this, the twentieth year of selection, that they had to be stored in two bins; The “MIGHT HAVE BIN” and the “HAS BIN.”

We saw the Eiffel Tower flying from Paris to London.

JJJ

This gaggle of daffynitions qualifies as one of the in ten did:

  • Heroes: What a sculler does.
  • Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official.
  • Marigold: Wed for money.
  • Lambshades: Sunglasses for young sheep.
  • Hospital gown: Ward robe.
  • Cleavage: Something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
  • Dehydrate: The cost of the witness protection program.

JJJ

Haiku,

DARK HORSEMAN GALLOPS

HIS LANCE SKEWERS SAUSAGE LINKS

IT’S MY WURST KNIGHT MARE.

JJJ

A pessimist’s blood type is always B-NEGATIVE.

JJJ

Fine: Tax for doing wrong.

Tax: Fine for doing fine.

JJJ

As a financial planner I recommend that you review any holdings you may have in the following stocks:

American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Co., Northern Tissue Co. Due to uncertain market conditions, I advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water and let go of your Gas. You may also be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today and millions were wiped clean.

JJJ

Dancing cheek to cheek is really a form of floor play!

JJJ

This is from a letter to the family from the matriarch:

My dear Children,

I have become a little older since I last saw you, and a few changes have come into my life since then. Frankly I’ve become a frivolous old gal. I’m seeing five gentlemen everyday.

As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed.

Then I go to see John.

Charlie Horse comes along and takes a lot of my time and attention.

When he leaves Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn’t like to stay in one place for very long, so he takes me from joint to joint.

After such a busy day, I’m really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life! Oh yes, I’m also flirting with Al Zymers. ?.Love, Grandma

JJJ

Upon wakening, an anthropologist named Stone

Found two Iraqis arguing full blown.

With a leg bone, it’s said

He killed them both dead.

Thus, stilling two Kurds with one bone.

JJJ

The lady of the evening’s favorite trick was to stand by the curb and feign light headedness. She claimed it was

AN OFF ROAD DIZZY ACT.

JJJ

Remember one thing

Though the ‘B’ in debt’s silent

It supplies the sting.

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  • Welcome to the new home of Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots. At least 3057 horrible puns, shaggy dogs, groaners, and feghoots. And a couple of good ones.

    In Defense of Shaggy Dog Stories

    From Whence the Nomenclature Shaggy Dog

    Note: Some of these entries can be a bit on the racy side. And some should probably not be read by the more easily offended. All such posts are tagged "Adult Theme", "Politically Incorrect", or "PG-13" as appropriate.

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