The International Save the Pun Foundation
January 1, 1998
The nominations for the Ten Best Stressed Puns of 1997 have poured into
the post office box of the ISTPF. They have been tabulated and
counted. Much time has been spent in putting together this most
anticipated list. It is with great excitement that the Chairman of the
Bored Too, Norman Gilbert, announced, for the groaning pleasure of
the members of this, the oldest apocryphal society, the ten puns that
were best stressed during the year 1997.
A white lie is aversion of the truth.
…
Soup?on is French for a small amount only morceau.
…
A cow suddenly stopped giving milk. Her udder failure could have been
attributed to her sorry love life. She got a bum steer. Depressed she curdled
up with a Duke Ellington CD, and a bottle of plum wine, and she mooed
indigo.
…
Ivana Trump marries Orson Bean. She then divorces him to marry His
Majesty, King Oscar, then finds that royally unsuitable. She abdicates that
and moves into showbiz with Louis B. Mayer. She found the lime too light
and left it for her present husband, Norbert Wiener. Her mail is addressed to
Ivana Bean Oscar Meyer Wiener.
…
Which famous golfer is a connoisseur of great wines?
Litre Vino.
…
A group of Lebanese guerillas were on trial in Beirut for a terrorist bombing.
Jury selection was underway. The group’s lawyers believed that their clients
were guilty.
There was only one way that the terrorists could get away with anything less
than a death sentence. That was to stack the jury with people who were
sympathetic to their cause. In other words, LIFE IS JUST HEZBOLLAH
JURIES.
…
Is bilious the way you feel when you open your mail at the first of the
month?
…
What do you call a sports car made of wood?
A LUMBER ghini.
…
In France they make their omelets with only one egg.
You see, in France one egg is an oeuf.
…
Carly: ” What is the opposite of joy?”
Haley: ” Sadness. What is the opposite of depression?”
Carly: “Elation, and what’s the opposite of woe?”
Dad: “I believe that’s giddyap.”
…
There is not much fun in medicine, but there is a lot of medicine in fun.
Just a philosophical pill to draw the curtain on 1997’s best-stressed puns.
There you have it then. If you would like to share your puns with us or
become a member of this august group of paranamours, please write to us at
P.O. Box 5040, Station A,
Toronto, Ontario,
Canada M5W 1N4.
Or e-mail us at ngilbert@netcom.ca
Or visit us on the web at www.punpunpun.com
“A day without puns is like a day without sunshine; there is gloom for
improvement.”