The Ten Best Stressed Puns of 1991

Puns voted by the members of the International Save the Pun Foundation to be the ten best stressed puns posted in the Pundit’s pages in 1991.

A scarcely reported incident of the Desert Storm conflict grew out of the U.S. military’s orders that chaplains assigned to the field would have to wear vestments bearing a desert camouflage pattern.

Fortunately, the chaplains found a liturgical supply house that not only carried the required garments but also, anticipating a quick victory for the U.S.-led coalition forces, had cut prices.

A sign outside proclaimed ”War Surplice Sale.”

In Boston, two chefs were competing for the title Finest Fish Fryer. Their talents were about equal and their dishes excellent, so it was a close race until, at the last minute, one of the chefs glazed his entry and won the title.

”Alas!” said the other with a sigh, ”There but for the glaze of cod go I.”

Speaking of fish, did you know that ancient fishing villages bartered with fish instead of money? They were the first to use credit cods.

No fish out of water was a carpenter in New Hampshire who was called upon to erect a bulletin board in the church vestry. Because the walls were marble, he decided to glue rather than nail up the bulletin board.

He assigned the task to his young assistant, who made several frames. But none would stick. So the carpenter made a frame of burr oak. When that adhered successfully, he admonished the assistant, ”If it ain’t burr oak, don’t affix it!”

Downstairs in the same church, the church mouse’s wife had her bags packed and was ready to walk out the door when her husband asked: ”Why are you so unhappy? We have a roof over our heads and every day the kindly old preacher feeds us a handful of cheese and bread crumbs. It could be worse.”

”That’s just it,” the wife cried. ”I’m sick and tired of leading a hand-to-mouse existence!”

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