Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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The Ten Best Stressed Puns of 1986

Category: News, Puns, Rated PG

Puns voted by the members of the International Save the Pun Foundation to be the ten best stressed puns posted in the Pundit’s pages in 1986.


A family of high-class potatoes was able to send their daughter to college. A few months later, however, she came home and announced that she was quitting college to get married. Very upset, the parents demanded to know who the man was.

When the girl told them she was in love with a famous newscaster, Dan Spud, the mother exclaimed: “Good heavens, girl! After all we`ve done for you, how could you marry a common tater?”


A string walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender looked at him and said, “We don’t serve strings here.” Offended, the string left.

A second string came in and also was refused. As he was leaving, a third string showed up, and the second paused to warn him. So the third string tied himself into a knot and ruffled his hair.

As he approached the bar, the bartender glared at him and asked, “Are you a string?”

“No,” he replied, “a frayed knot.”


A man on his first visit to San Francisco’s Chinatown wandered into a Grant Street cocktail lounge, where he was surprised to note that the pianist was offering incredibly sad pieces, such as Chopsticks played as a funeral march.

After five such selections, each sadder than the last, the visitor said to the pianist, “Please! Couldn`t you play something less mournful?”

“No problem,” said the pianist. “I will play something happy now. With six you get allegro.”


A young rabbit wanted to be the Easter Bunny. The other rabbits laughed, saying, “You’re not even old enough to shave!” So he shaved. But at Easter the children still refused to accept him. “You’re not the Easter Bunny!” they cried. “You haven’t any whiskers!” All of which goes to prove that a bunny shaved is a bunny spurned.


A young couple approached the desk in a big hotel. “We’ve just been married,” said the bridegroom. “Could you give us a suite?”

“Certainly,” replied the clerk. “Would you like the bridal?”

“Oh, no thanks,” said the young man. “Now that we’re married, we’re going to stop horsing around.”


When Bishop Tutu toured the United States last fall, he visited his relatives in Tennessee, revealing for the first time that he was a Chattanooga Tutu.

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