Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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The Telemarketer

Category: Adult Theme, Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Rated PG, Shaggy Puppy

From: MMi, this was posted on the groaners listserv. Personally, I doubt that it’s possible to be rude enough to telemarketers, but that’s one of my defects I am more proud of.


Yesterday, Mrs. MM and I were in the lounge watching the match between South Africa and France, when the telephone rang, and I went to take it in the bedroom, away from the noise (e. g., vuvuzelas) on TV. Picked up the receiver, said, “Hello,” and a voce at the other hand said, “Hello, I’m Charlene from xyz (didn’t quite catch the name) Supercleaners. Can I speak to you mom?”

Okay, she must have thought that, being four-ish in the afternoon, the male adult was at work, and a child had picked up the phone. Did I clear the misunderstanding? Hello? Wonderful opportunity for humour which, in my religion, is a sin to pass up.

So, trying to make my voice thin, but without overdoing it, I replied, “My mom is busy. May I take a message?”

Charlene: “I really need to speak to your mom and tell her about the special offer we have.”

MM: “My mom told me never to disturb her when she is in the bedroom with uncle Steve…”

MM: (pushing it a little): “My dad has gone to Cape Town, you know…”

Charlene: “Oh.” (I hoped she was suitably shocked)

MM: (going for broke): “They are praying in the bedroom, you know, because my mom shouts, ‘God!, Oh, God! Oh, God!! OOOOOOH!!!'”

Charlene (finally wised up): “You are not a child, are you?”

MM: “No, and we are watching the football match. Can you call when the World Cup is finished?”

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