Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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The Swoon in Cameroon

Category: Rated G

This is by Bob Levi, who says, “The punch line to the following feghoot is based on a very, very, verrrry old joke. Those of us who are currently thought to be ‘of a certain age’ will need no explanation.”


In the topical rain forests of Cameroon, Africa, there lived a band of western lowland gorillas. This band was isolated from other gorilla bands and was quite happy being a separate group and thereby not having to compete for food or space. However, a rather unique occurrence happened to this gorilla band.

It seemed that the mature females started giving birth to nothing but males! Subsequently, a major problem occurred because no new female gorillas were being born. As the band matured, there was no way for the maturing males to procreate due to the lack of female gorillas to accommodate them.

So the band elders decided on a solution to the problem. The oldest young male gorilla, Simba, would have to find a female western lowland gorilla outside of his group and be accepted by her and by her band. Simba would then be able to mate with her and continue his band’s gene pool.

The gorilla elders recognized that they would have to train Simba because he had never seen a young female gorilla. The elders taught him how to find a mate and recognize the key characteristics for successfully breeding and raising an offspring.

Once Simba had learned the ways of the older gorillas, he set out to find himself a mate. Day and night he trekked through the rain forests — not only Cameroon but some of the neighboring countries — trying to find the ideal female gorilla. Simba’s elders had taught him well because even as he slept, he would fantasize about the mate he was seeking.

Finally after months of searching, Simba came across another band of western lowland gorillas. He carefully watched them and was able to select a candidate that would suit his needs. Simba cautiously approached this lovely female and, in ape language, said to her …

“Gorilla my dreams, I love you.”

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