Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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The State of Music Education

Category: Rated G

The following material was sent by Alice from LA. They are actual answers from a music exam.


– The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna.

– Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.

– Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.

– All female parts were sung by castrati We don’t know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants.

– Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven’s Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin’s Rap City in Blue.

– Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco.

– A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.

– Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.

– Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys.

– A harp is a nude piano.

– Refrain means don’t do it. A refrain in music is the part you’d better not try to sing.

– I know what a sextet is but I’d rather not say.

– My favorite composer was Opus. Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.

– Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic.

– Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano concerti.

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