Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Question

Category: Rated G

This lovely little original is from Marvin Carl Clapp who tells us, “I devised this story many years ago, shortly after reading my first Feghoot. I have waited all these years to publish it simply because I figured that someone else must have thought and told the story somewhere. Having never heard any Spoonerism quite like this tale from any other source, I have decided to send it to you.” Thanks, Marvin


Although mankind has always been prone to violence, a treaty was enacted in the third millennium which expressly banned all explosives. Naturally, the next World War was fought with biological weapons. Unfortunately, all humanity was exterminated.

There remained in the North American continent, a vault which housed experimental chickens. Being sealed from all exposure until after danger passed, two of the hens managed to survive. Being the result of DNA mutation experiments, they were both quite intelligent.

The Leghorn was an avid reader and experimenter by nature but the Rhode Island Red was a only interested in the latest fashions in clothing. Unfortunately they argued constantly. Because of their different viewpoints, they just could not get along.

Finally the Leghorn solved the problem. Shortly before the War, Route 66 had been reconstructed, dividing the entire continent in half. The Leghorn took the southern half of America and the Rhode Island Red the north half.

This worked well until winter. When things got cold, the Leghorn read the proper books and learned how to build a fire. The Rhode Island Red found herself slowly freezing to death. What could she do? Her solution? During the dark of night, she crept into the Leghorn’s camp and killed her. Then she took the skin and feathers and made a stylish chicken feather coat.

Finally, at the very sunset of earth’s history, the question that has plagued mankind over the centuries was answered.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

She wanted to get to the other’s hide!

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