This was posted by “David Stone” [dkstone@hotmail.com], and it was published on the groaners listserv. The author is not known.

Larry Vermont came home weeping bitterly. He had gone to propose to his girl and his father eagerly awaited her response. “So what happened, Larry?” the old man asked. “Did she accept?”

“Oh, Dad, she sure didn’t. When I told her what you advised me to say, she slapped my face and sent me home.”

“Did you start out by saying what I told you to, what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal? ‘Dear, time stands still when I look in your eyes.'”

“Did you say that? Holy smokes, Dad, I got it all wrong. I said, ‘My dear, your face would stop a clock!'”