Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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The Potters’ Mantra

Category: Rated G

By Alan B. Combs


This is a secret I learned in the local Pottery Barn, a place that sells knick knacks and other things made of pottery. Certain lines of pottery are crafted by tribal artisans who take great pride in their work.

Recently, one of the tribes fell on hard times because of the economy and had to branch out into other endeavors. They decided that next to pottery they were most skilled in thuggery, skulduggery, and murder. Soon the word was passed around about their availability for these services.

The very last thing the victims heard was the dread mantra of these potter assassins, “Kiln, Kiln, Kiln.”


In response to yesterday’s much misunderstood tale about the mantra of the potter assassins (kiln, kiln, kiln — in which the acceptable, if not preferable pronunciation is with a silent ‘n’), John Barnstead sent this topper.

Counterchant to the Potters’ Mantra

Fortunately for civilization, Interpol realized in good time that radical measures were needed to cope with this new terrorist threat. They applied to a Turkestani tribe of carpet-weavers for assistance. The last thing the dreaded potter assassins heard before their own unlamented demise was the fierce war cry of the Turkestanis: Kilim! Kilim! Kilim!

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