Politically Correct Terms For Females
* She does not get PMS; She becomes HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL
* she does not have a killer body; She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE
* she is not a bad cook; She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE
* she is not a bad driver; She is AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED
* she is not a perfect 10; She is NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR
* she is not easy; She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE
* she does not hate sports on TV; She is ATHLETICALLY BIASED
* she does not have sexy lips; She is COLLAGEN DEPENDENT
* she does not get drunk; She is ACCIDENTALLY OVER SERVED
* You do not ask her to dance; You request a PRECOITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE
* she is not a gossip; She is a VERBAL TERMINATOR
* she does not work out too much; She is an ABDOMINAL OVERACHIEVER
* she does not have a great butt; She has GLUTEUS TO THE MAXIMUS
* she is not hooked on soap operas; She is MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED
* she is not cold or frigid; She is THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE
* she does not wear too much makeup; She is COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED
* she does not have a great rack; Her breasts are CENTRALLY LOCATED
* she will never gain weight she will become a metabolic underachiever
* She is not a screamer or moaner; She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE
* She does not shave her legs; She experiences TEMPORARY STUBBLE REDUCTION
* She does not have a hard body; She is ANATOMICALLY INFLEXIBLE
* She does not sun bathe; she experiences SOLAR ENHANCEMENT
* Her breasts will never sag; they will LOSE THEIR VERTICAL HOLD
* She does not shop too much; She is OVERLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MARKETING PLOYS
* She does not cut you off; She becomes HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE
* She does not have big hair; she is OVERLY AEROSOLED
* She does not snore; She is NASALLY REPETITIVE
* She does not get drunk; She becomes VERBALLY DYSLEXIC
* She does not have big hooters; Her cups RUNNETH OVER
* She is not too skinny; She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT
Politically Correct Terms For Males
* He does not have a beer gut; He develops a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
* He is not quiet; He is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.
* He does not have a fabulous rear end; He has achieved BUTTOCKS PERFECTION.
* He is not stupid; He suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.
* He does not get lost all the time; He discovers ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
* He is not balding; He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
* You do not buy him a drink; You initiate an ALCOHOL-FOR-CONVERSATION EXCHANGE.
* He does not fart and belch; He is GASTRONOMICALLY EXPRESSIVE.
* His jeans are not too tight; He is ANATOMICALLY UNDERCIRCULATED.
* He is not a redneck; He is a GENETICALLY-RELATED AMERICAN.
* You do not kiss him; you become FACIALLY CONJOINED.
* He is not a cradle robber; He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
* He does not get falling-down drunk; He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
* He does not act like a total ass; He develops A CASE OF RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
* He is not short; He is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.
* He does not have a rich daddy; He is a RECIPIENT OF PARENTAL ASSET INFUSION.
* He does not constantly talk about cars; He has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.
* He does not have a hot body; He is PHYSICALLY COMBUSTIBLE.
* He is not unsophisticated; He is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.
* He does not eat like a pig; He suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.
* He does not hog the blankets; He is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.
* He is not a sex machine; he is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.
* He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has SWINE EMPATHY.
* You do not undress him with your eyes; You have AN INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENT.
* He is not afraid of commitment; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
Politically Correct Terms for Children
• Your bedroom isn’t cluttered; it’s PASSAGE-RESTRICTIVE.
• Kids don’t get in trouble anymore. They merely hit SOCIAL SPEED BUMPS.
* You’re not having a bad hair day; you’re suffering from REBELLIOUS FOLLICLE SYNDROME.
* No one’s tall anymore. They’re VERTICALLY ENHANCED.
* You’re not shy. You’re CONVERSATIONALLY SELECTIVE.
* You don’t talk a lot. You’re just ABUNDANTLY VERBAL.
* It’s not called gossip anymore. It’s TRANSMISSION OF NEAR-FACTUAL INFORMATION.
* The food at the school cafeteria isn’t awful. It’s DIGESTIVELY CHALLENGED.
* Your homework isn’t missing; it’s just having an OUT-OF-NOTEBOOK EXPERIENCE.
* You’re not sleeping in class; you’re RATIONING CONSCIOUSNESS.
* You don’t have smelly gym socks; you have ODOR-RETENTIVE ATHLETIC FOOTWEAR.
* You weren’t passing notes in class. You were PARTICIPATING IN THE DISCREET EXCHANGE OF PENNED MEDITATIONS.
•You’re not being sent to the principal’s office. You’re GOING ON A MANDATORY FIELD TRIP TO THE ADMINISTRATIVE BUILDING.