The Perfect Man

From Bro Tom Vickery

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the taxi-driver says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank Feldman.”


“Frank Feldman. He’s a bloke who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”

“There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

“Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could play golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing fella.”

“Sounds like he was something really special.”

“There’s more … He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I can’t change a fuse, but, if I try to, the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right”

“Wow, some amazing man, then.”

“He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

“An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

“Well, I never actually met Frank. He died, and I married his ex-wife.”

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