This is by Dr. Rob Hampson [rhampson@wfubmc.edu], another pharmacologist on alt.callahans.

[Scene, an auditorium, there are 5 rows of chairs toward the front, facing a small lectern. About two dozen adults, and a couple of teenagers are sitting in the folding metal chairs. One chair is turned around, facing the others at the front. The man sitting in that chair gestures to someone on the front row who stands and walks to the lectern.]

“Uh, hello, my name is Robert”

[People respond] “Hi, Robert!”

“Uh… this is really hard, I don’t know if I can do this…”

[Moderator] “Go ahead, Robert, just take your time.”

“I’m, uh, Robert, and uh, I’m…” [looks down, tears start to form…]

[Unnamed person in second row responds] “It’s OK, Robert, we understand.”

“I’m… I’m… I’m a PUNSTER!” [sobs]

[Applause, words of encouragement from people]

“It started in grade school, with Knock-Knock jokes. In college I was so addicted, I’d look up random words in the dictionary to prolong a pun war with friends. Then I started punning in secret, and punning in the mid-afternoon. Last week my wife had enough, she caught me punning at breakfast. I’d started telling my sons a long, involved shaggy dog story, but she stopped me and insisted I get help.

“She told she wouldn’t allow me to put-on heirs!”