Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Night Before Christmas Parodies XIII (For The Cool)

Category: Poetry, Rated G

We continue with Stan Kegel’s collection of these seasonal variations and parodies.


Twas the night before Christmas and all through the pad
Not a hip cat was swinging, and that’s nowhere Dad
The stove was hung up on that stocking routine,
In hopes that the fat man would soon make the scene.

The kids had all had it, so they hit their sacks,
And me and the bride had begun to relax,
When there started a rumble that came on real frantic
So I opened the window to figure the panic.

I saw a square short that was making fat tracks,
Being pulled by eight dogs who was wearing hat racks,
And a funny old geezer was flipping his lid,
He told em to make it and, man, like they did.

I couldn’t help digging the scene on the roof
As I stood there just waiting for chubby to goof.
They stood by the chimney in bunches and clusters,
‘Til tubby slid down, coming on like gangbusters.

His threads were the squarest and I had to chuckle,
In front, not in back, was his ivy league buckle.
The mop on his chin hid his button-down collar
And with that red nose, man, he looked like a baller.

Like he was the squarest, the most absolute,
But face it, who cares when he left all that loot.
He laid the jazz on me and fled from the gig.
Wailing, “Have a cool yule and man, later, like dig.”

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