The author of this tale is unknown.

A guy gets a new dog and he can’t wait to show him off to his neighbor, so when the neighbor comes over, the guy calls the dog into the house, bragging about how smart the critter is.

The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his master, tail wagging furiously, mouth open in classic doggie-smile position, eyes bright with anticipation.

The guy points to the newspaper on the couch and commands, “Fetch!”

Immediately, the dog sits down, the tail wagging stops, the doggie-smile disappears; he hangs his head, looks balefully up at his master and says in a whiney voice, “Oy! My tail hurts from wagging so much and that dog food you’re feeding me tastes absolutely terrible. Also I can’t remember the last time you took me out for a walk…”

The neighbor looks puzzled.

“Oh,” explains the dog owner, “he thought I said ‘Kvetch!”