The New Congregant

The original is from Phill Rock on the groaners listserv. Several folks provided addendums to this tale

A man enters the confessional and says to the Irish Priest, “Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month.”

The priest tells the sinner, “You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary’s.”

Soon, another man enters the confessional. “Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months.”

This time the priest asks, “Who is Fannie Green?”

“A new woman in the neighborhood,” the sinner replies.

“Very well,” says the priest. “Go and say ten Hail Mary’s.”

The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when, suddenly a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men’s eyes fall upon her, as she slowly glides up the aisle and she sits down in front of the altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.

The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart. The priest turns to the altar boy and asks, “Is that Fannie Green?”

The altar boy, whose eyes are popping out of his head, replies;

“No Father, I think its just the reflection off her shoes.”

On more careful (!) reading, I remember my punch line was, “I think it’s just the light from the stained glass window.” Even more outrageous, don’t you think?

Lowrie Beacham tells us:

I have been telling an even racier version of this for many years: “I had sex with Nookie Green…”

Wonderful joke, in either version.

Jim L. Ryan informs us:

Are you aware that in the UK the term “fannie” refers not to the butt but to the ensemblage of pubic hair, and that puts a slightly different slant on the joke.

Jim adds even more information.

I should have also mentioned that the common UK spelling of that anatomical component is “fanny” not “fannie.”

As a total aside, are you familiar with the word “merkin?” Back in the early sixties I was helping my sister when she was setting up a nightclub in San Francisco and a merkin salesman called. He, of course, brought his sample case with him. “You want red, we’ve got red! You want fuzzy, we’ve got fuzzy! You want blond, we’ve got blond!” and so on. If you haven’t already guessed (or perhaps already knew) a merkin is a pubic wig worn by strippers so they aren’t really naked in public! I also have a good Canadian friend who refers to those of us south of the border as ‘Merkins!’

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