Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The New Airport

Category: Rated G

This tale is by Stan Kegel.


The Los Angeles Airport Commission has finally released the plans for the expansion of Los Angeles International Airport which when built will be able to accommodate twice the number of international flights that now come into LAX.

The plans have passed all necessary environmental impact studies and construction appears to depend on obtaining adequate funding. A $1,200,000,000 Airport Bond measure will have to be passed by Los Angeles County voters for construction to occur.

The original plans were to call the enlarged airport “Charlton Heston International Airport” because of the high caliber of the famed resident, and his close relationship to John Wayne whose name is attached to the airport 50 miles to the south. However, many Los Angeles residents oppose this name because they feel it might be an open invitation to bring firearms to the new airport.

The Los Angeles TIMES, a supporter of the new airport expansion has been conducting a poll of its readers for an appropriate name for the new facility. By far, the most popular name of all those suggested, leading by a three to one margin at present, has been to call the new airport … EX-LAX.

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