Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Luau (Feghoot VI)

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

There are many variations on this pun, some already in this collection. This one is by Reginald Bretnor writing under the pseudonymn of Grendel Briarton.


In 3299, Ferdinand Feghoot took his youngest son to Hawaii 1960 for a real old fashioned luau. They both wore aloha shirts, and their telepathic translator was disguised as a coconut. “Remember,” warned Feghoot. “Do just what they do.”

He adjusted the time-bulb to return in four hours-and presto! there they were. Sure enough, a big luau was in progress. But it wasn’t a 1960 luau. The beach was crowded with naked Hawaiians armed with war-clubs.

“Well, well–two more courses!” growled their king, who was wearing an antique British naval officer’s coat.

Feghoot saw that a slight error had taken them back to 1779, just as their hosts were about to eat Captain Cook, who, indeed, smelled very savory. “We dropped in for pot luck,” he said quickly, trusting to traditional Hawaiian hospitality.

“We-ell, I guess we can spare a chop,” grunted the king, passing a couple. “Mighty tasty too, I must say.”

“But I don’t want to eat humans!” piped up the boy.

It was a critical moment-but Ferdinand Feghoot handled it with his usual aplomb. “Go ahead, eat it,” he said with a smile.

“One man’s meat is another man’s poi, son.

(Copyright © 1958 by Mercury Press. First published in THE MAGAZINE OF FANTASY & SCIENCE FICTION).

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  1. I never knew that Grendel Briarton was a pseudonym. And, apparently, an anagram of the author’s real name.

    Dangit, I miss The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction.

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