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The LeTourneau Wedding-Plan Tips

Category: Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Lists, Rated G, Rated PG, Shaggy Puppy

This helpful information for Cajun wedding planners comes from the groaners listserv.


The Top 18 Mary Kay LeTourneau Wedding-Planning Tips:

18>    Save honeymoon money by staying at Howard Johnson’s, where kids stay free!

17>    Be sure to bring a few Game Boys so the groomsmen don’t get bored during the ceremony.

16>    “Let’s see, there’s Mary Kay, her two kids, Vili’s adolescence … What’s blue? Wait — the prison guard’s uniform!”

15>    To ensure that guests of all ages have a good time at the reception, be sure to have a separate “adult’s table.”

14>    White is for the virgin bride. Off-white is appropriate for second weddings. Stripes are fine for convicted child-rapists.

13>    Have the reception menu mirror the happy couple’s first meal together: sloppy joes, Tater Tots and a bottle of Sunny D.

12>    Add a clause to his vows making him promise to visit you in the nursing home when he’s 40.

11>    Make sure the groomsmen’s exposed boxer shorts match the bridesmaid’s dresses.

10>    Dress the ring bearer in the same color as the groom. You’ll have an extra tuxedo in case the groom spills his chocolate milk during the reception!

9>    Use an opaque veil to keep the groom from coming to his senses.

8>    Tuck in your bridal veil *before* doing a wicked 180 and rail-slide across the pews during the processional.

7>    1. Fire cake decorator. 2. Scrape off “pedophile” and replace with “Mary Kay.”

6>    Keep in mind that his parents may not see the humor in the reception band playing “Hot for Teacher.”

5>    Find out if Michael Jackson is available to babysit. For this one, you may have to find an alternative.

4>    You’ll be away for a whole week on your honeymoon, so don’t forget to set the TiVo to record “Jimmy Neutron” while you’re gone.

3>    Make sure the sippy cups are on the right of the wine glasses.

2>    On the wedding night, dress up in something that gets your man really excited — like a Power Ranger outfit.

… and the Number 1 Mary Kay LeTourneau Wedding-Planning Tip …

1>    Hands off that hot little ring bearer — you’re taken!

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